I only ever love in waves…
Too much
Then too little
Too much
Then too little
You’re a saint to me,
That is,
Until you unveil your ugliness
Until my patience wears thin and my temper quickens
Now you are my specimen.
Your every flaw will be examined by me, former beloved.
Everything is larger under the microscope, so I suppose it’s clearer as well.
Your ego ─
You stand your ground and are prideful. Sometimes too much
Your entitlement ─
It’s entitlement because you feel like you deserve the opportunities you worked for
Your selfishness ─
But then, doesn’t my innate stubbornness border selfishness as well?
But in case you’ve forgotten,
I am the scientist
Or am I?
I think objectively
Or do I?
I have sought the truth
Or have I?
I observe and write down what I see.
And all I see is your ego, your entitlement, your selfishness
So I bid you adieu my specimen, past love, former beloved
Then all of a sudden,
I can’t sleep
Your eyes are flickering in the background of my mind
Those warm eyes that looked into the most horrid parts of my being with pure admiration
Those warm eyes that resembled the ardent affection of the intense summer sun
Those warm eyes that would crinkle in the shape of a smile while watching me laugh
And I realize I long for you
The way I used to long for you
I decide to examine you under the microscope again.
Everything is larger under the microscope, so I suppose it’s clearer as well.
Your respect for me ─
Respect which is occasionally forgotten in the midst of our clashing egos
Your passionate nature ─
Passionate when content; passionate when angry…
Your sense of humour ─
Is it always humour or is it sometimes congenital insensitivity?
I observed.
I recorded.
I threw away all of my previous findings.
After all,
They were incorrect
Or were they?
All I could see in you was beauty
Or did I?
I’ll remove my lab coat
Or was it ever on?
After all,
You are no longer my specimen
You are my lover once again
Until you fail to meet my simple expectations
Then I will put you under my inspection
We will be
The scientist and the specimen
The fool and the devil
Or the angel
It depends on the day
For I only love in waves
This piece is supposed to be about how it’s important to see people’s nuances and their hybrid of strengths and flaws. I personally have a lot of trouble doing this. I tend to see people in one way. I’ll see them as good, but then when their flaws come to light, as all people’s flaws do, I’ll analyze them and their presence in my life. However, I do this in a very biased way. I tend to conceal my subjectivity with a guise of objectivity and I’ll only see them as an “angel” or a “devil” rather than seeing the duality of a human being.
I included metaphors and symbolism by relating my objectivity to becoming a scientist in a lab. However, scientists seek the truth while I only seek the reassurance of being right. So, it’s ironic that I’m presented as a scientist. Also, for context, a specimen is an organism that has been preserved for scientific research. Therefore, the specimen metaphor is supposed to show that human beings cannot be seen as mere testing samples that a person must inspect. I use the microscope to show how a person’s flaws or their good qualities become much greater than they actually are in my head.
For style, I used italics throughout my piece, and they were used to represent the thoughts that I will have while I’m in the process of examing someone. They are the thoughts that recognize nuance. They are thoughts that I ignore. They are the thoughts of actual objectivity that come to my head, and manage to seep through the cracks as I go on with my examination. They also depict the irony of what I’m doing, and how illogical what I’m doing is. However, I simply ignore these thoughts. I’m so busy dissecting somebody that I don’t bother even dissecting myself. The way I structured my writing was with different stanzas to show the different phases of how I view someone. I also use dashes a lot when I transition to my thoughts. I was thinking of using ellipses, but I thought that dashes would be more appropriate because ellipses would imply a voluntary transition to my thoughts. Dashes are a more forceful transition into the thoughts I wish to ignore.
The first stanza is supposed to be an introduction to how I view love. The first few lines take place in my conscious mind. It’s supposed to show that while I can kind of understand how I view love as a concept, I don’t see it as warped. I see it as the other person’s fault. The last line, however, provides a glimpse into reality.
The second and third stanzas are pretty self-explanatory. I begin to play the part of a scientist, but I refuse to acknowledge the other side of this person each time. The third stanza particularly depicts how I let my opinions of someone, all of which exist in extremities, dictate how I perceive them when I should be looking at them in an unbiased way. When I am no longer playing the part of a scientist, I will have a normal relationship with this person. That is, until I do not.
The last stanza is supposed to show that this is not the end of the process, it will go on and on. It leads out with a more accurate title than the one I have given my piece. Also, the final line is a repetition of the first, which is again used to depict how this cycle will continuously repeat.
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