A Crosswalk in the Rain – Trent Parke
What do these texts suggest to you about the impact significant events have on an individual’s ability to determine their own destiny?
I am a man without conflict. Yet I suffer. You cannot avoid the inevitable. It is predetermined to occur during your lifetime. To impact you. To change you. So that you may grow stronger, rather than weaker. Whether it is the birth of a younger sibling, the death of a loved one, or even a minor injury. It is destined for you to witness such events. Events that you have no control over; the ones that haunt you in your sleep. Mandated to every soul, attached to every spirit, to suffer is to gain through loss. I, for one, am definitely one who has lost. I am lazy, hence I lose my time. I am impatient, hence I risk my certainty. I am shameless, hence I sacrifice my honor. All these traits of mine, they cause me to suffer. I forge a deep connection with those who I spend time with. I become emotionally attached, and, everytime, my love is received with welcoming hands. Until, one day, it isn’t, which causes me to suffer. I neglect the care for my own happiness over the happiness of those who don’t care for me, which causes me to suffer. My suffering stems from my own actions. I lose so often, yet I do not seem to gain. I am left empty handed, with tears in my eyes and blood on my skin. To suffer is to lose while, in that moment, to gain. As no preventative action can be taken in order to avoid suffering, you can only gain through loss in the actions taken subsequent to suffering.
The human nervous system informs the body when something is out of order in the body. Such is life; where suffering is the indicator which informs the individual of a wrong. When I suffer, I am being told that there is something rotten in my life. That a thorn is stuck in my side and I need to react immediately in order to reduce the pain. I have suffered far too often for my own good. That is because I ignore the indications which tell me that I am mistaken. I procrastinate heavily, and I know that. I’ve known that for over 10 years. Yet, I have taken no action to repair myself. Since I have never removed of this thorn, I continually feel its pain ever so often. I did not realize it until my first term report card this year that I was behind my own suffering. This event became even more significant when I realized that I would be unable to apply for pre-admissions with these grades. Hence, suffering to that extent brought me to my senses and I finally decided to remove the thorn, When I looked down, however, I noticed that my skin had begun to grow around it, permanently embedding it into me. In the following weeks of my report card, I pulled it out as far as I could. It’s still stuck there, however, it’s on the verge of breaking out. Over my years of losing marks, as well as the respect of those around me, I finally gained the power to move beyond this tendency, and have been given the ability and strength to remove of my thorn.
I still wonder why I was unable to do so before. Perhaps it was the fear of the pain. The removal of the thorn, although beneficial, could only be done through a painful process. And, as a procrastinator, I continued to prolong its removal, allowing it to grow into a much greater dilemma. I knew my path – the crosswalk I had to take – yet I refused, due to fear of the pain – the rain. This refusal resulted in my family and friends being able to move ahead, to see the other side. The side which, I have heard, the sun is always facing. The brighter side – one without rain. At first, I neglected the fact that I could improve my situation through such simple steps. However, as I stood in the rain, hit by raindrops to no end, I finally decided to walk. And although it came (and is still coming) very slowly, my ability to walk has gotten me further than I have ever been. Soon, I will no longer needlessly suffer.
Through my own experience of suffering due to my own actions, I can say that an individual’s ability to determine their own destiny is strengthened by the negative events in one’s life, as one can learn the method to ensuring that no similar harm can reach them in that form. However, since suffering is inevitable, one will continue to suffer in various forms, however, the individual will not be influenced once again, if reformed. I was unable to allow myself to reform, which caused my suffering of over 10 years. Therefore, an individual unable to conform as their struggles demand will continue to struggle. And as the struggles increase in intensity, one may finally learn to react with, rather than against, their struggles, allowing them to have an influence in their own destiny.
9 thoughts on “Ignorant Suffering – Polished Personal”
It was a joy to read your post! The title is very intriguing and I love the way you approached the visual, tying it back to your own life. Your writing is quite poetic and beautiful, which I always appreciate! The imagery you used of the thorn and of rain, though just a little cliche, was effective in driving home your point. Your writing also flowed nicely, and I found it easy to follow your train of thought, which evidences your skill in laying out your ideas!
Suggestion-wise, my own thoughts are that you switch back and forth between first and second person, which can be a little confusing, and that I’d like to see a little bit more explanation about the destiny aspect of the prompt. Also, it may just be a stylistic choice, but you might be replacing some commas with periods, creating sentence fragments.
As usual, your post was bursting full of intriguing ideas and totally captivating! Thanks for sharing this very honest work!
Thank you for reading my blog post! I appreciate the comments you have given me, and am honored that you enjoyed my piece. To start off, I’d like to say that, although I intentionally replaced some commas for periods as stylistic choices, I feel that I may have overdone it, which may cause some confusion. As well, I didn’t even notice myself switching between first and second person, I’ll be sure not to make that mistake again!
Originally, I felt that I had dropped the imagery in the middle, along with the prompt. The dropping of the prompt you can agree with, but I’m assuming that the imagery was strong enough throughout for it to not be mentioned as a part of the criticism. I’m also glad that it wasn’t my word choices which led to confusion, as that was my previous issue. I shall continue to work on my writing to fix these errors as well!
Thank you once again for taking the time to leave a comment on my blog. I will definitely take into account what you have told me, and will attempt to better my writing. I look forward to reading some more of your work!
It was a pleasure to read your post because both your voice and tone were engaging throughout your piece. Like Lauryn said, I found the title intriguing, and I liked the way you chose to tie the prompt to your own life. The stylistic choices in your writing led me to read in a voice that was your own, and I really liked the parallel structure you used for the lines, “I, for one, am definitely one who has lost. I am lazy, hence I lose my time. I am impatient, hence I risk my certainty. I am shameless, hence I sacrifice my honor.”
In terms of improvement, I would like to suggest to relate back to the prompt more often in the beginning and middle – maybe you could use the words “destiny” or “path” throughout the piece instead of just the end. I liked your idea of the thorn in your side, and how you continued to relate back to that analogy, but I think you should add more elements of the visual throughout.
All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed reading an aspect of your personal outlook on life! Keep writing brilliant pieces!
I am really glad that you liked my writing! This was one that I really didn’t have much confidence in, and was prepared for a second one. However, after getting comments from people like you, Lauryn, Jade, and Tarannum, I feel much more confident towards it.
Ah yes – tying the prompt back into the piece. This alone has caused my mark to plummet on multiple different occasions. I like your suggestion of using key words throughout the piece – I’ll be sure to do that on my further pieces! The same goes with my imagery, I shall be more watchful of these things.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my blog! I really appreciate it!
Let me just start off by saying I have been incredibly impressed with the insights you have been offering to the class this semester, especially in our socratic discussions. This response, of course, was no exception. Something that particularly struck me was your mention of the thorn in your side. I feel like many people have used this analogy, and it has, therefore, become somewhat of a cliche. However, the way you particularly utilized the idea of the thorn made it unique–you gave it a nice twist. This twist came from the idea that, the longer the thorn is neglected–the longer it stays embedded in your side–the more difficult it will be to remove it, because the skin will eventually grow around it. This reminded me of Hamlet in a sense, as he was someone who did not address the thorn in his side–his plans to kill Claudius–until it was too late, which is what led to his tragic fate. The fact that I can compare your response to Shakespeare proves that you’ve got some brilliant ideas going here. Nice job!
As noted by both Kelly and Lauryn, I would also suggest a more thorough exploration of the prompt and the text, specifically the text, in my opinion. It would have been nice to have images from the visual–rain, crosswalk, isolation, etc– weaved throughout the entire piece as a whole opposed to just the end of it. Other than that, though? Not much to say. Wonderful job, Muhammed!
I can only say that all my insights and works have been inspired by people like yourself – people who I admire. Last year was definitely filled with a lot more intimidation from you guys, but this year I can safely say that I trust everyone in our class – which is why I feel like I have grown the way I have. So thank you!
As well, I’m glad that you didn’t think my imagery of the thorn was cliche – I was hoping to avoid that and I guess I did. I didn’t really notice that it connected to Hamlet..but I guess it works! Thank you for noting that out for me, it gives me a lot more confidence in this piece!
Thank you for your suggestions on how to incorporate the prompt and the text into my writing. I will be sure to look for moments where I am lacking in the future!
I really appreciate you taking the time to write a comment on my writing!
OMG I just realized my MacBook autocorrected your name to MuhhamEd, instead of MuhammAd. God knows how long it has been doing this! I am so sorry–I swear I know how to spell your name AHHHH.
Hey, family group member! Following what the others have said, let me just say that you have been on fire with the insights you have been offering in class (pretend that my comment was done on time, please…) and the insight is apparent in this blog!
My favourite sentence was definitely the last one – I think it did an excellent job of tying back to the prompt and wrapping up the “exploration of self” feel of this piece. I also liked the stylistic choices and parallel structures woven throughout; it gave the read a nice consistency with the repeating of similar elements.
As for improvement, I think most aspects have already been covered by Jade, Lauryn and Kelley, so I can only say this; it may be a good idea to include the theme statement for this piece at the beginning so that we can get a precise sense of your ideas before jumping into exploration. This may just be me, though, so don’t worry about it too much!
Finally, I really want to thank you for being a part of my family group, and for all of your support this past semester! It has been a wonderful, chaotic ride. I look forward to reading more of your work in AP next year!
Hello there fellow Family Group member! As much as I know you like the imagery of fire, I have to say that I like myself when I’m not burning. I really appreciate your words, and I had a great time with you in my family group! We had some nice moments, and I learned a lot from you guys!
I wrote that last sentence hoping that it did what it was supposed to, so I guess that worked out nicely huh? I am glad that you liked it! As well, my stylistic choices and parallel structures seemed a little cliche to me at times, I’m glad that they seemed to work out too.
I like your suggestion about including a theme statement, I feel like that could have added more synthesis with the text as well, so I’ll be sure to steal that idea for future reference.
I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment! Also, I really enjoyed our time in AP, being in the same family group and all, and I, too, look forward to what you have to say and write next year!