A Crosswalk in the Rain – Trent Parke
What do these texts suggest to you about the impact significant events have on an individual’s ability to determine their own destiny?
I am a man without conflict. Yet I suffer. You cannot avoid the inevitable. It is predetermined to occur during your lifetime. To impact you. To change you. So that you may grow stronger, rather than weaker. Whether it is the birth of a younger sibling, the death of a loved one, or even a minor injury. It is destined for you to witness such events. Events that you have no control over; the ones that haunt you in your sleep. Mandated to every soul, attached to every spirit, to suffer is to gain through loss. I, for one, am definitely one who has lost. I am lazy, hence I lose my time. I am impatient, hence I risk my certainty. I am shameless, hence I sacrifice my honor. All these traits of mine, they cause me to suffer. I forge a deep connection with those who I spend time with. I become emotionally attached, and, everytime, my love is received with welcoming hands. Until, one day, it isn’t, which causes me to suffer. I neglect the care for my own happiness over the happiness of those who don’t care for me, which causes me to suffer. My suffering stems from my own actions. I lose so often, yet I do not seem to gain. I am left empty handed, with tears in my eyes and blood on my skin. To suffer is to lose while, in that moment, to gain. As no preventative action can be taken in order to avoid suffering, you can only gain through loss in the actions taken subsequent to suffering.
The human nervous system informs the body when something is out of order in the body. Such is life; where suffering is the indicator which informs the individual of a wrong. When I suffer, I am being told that there is something rotten in my life. That a thorn is stuck in my side and I need to react immediately in order to reduce the pain. I have suffered far too often for my own good. That is because I ignore the indications which tell me that I am mistaken. I procrastinate heavily, and I know that. I’ve known that for over 10 years. Yet, I have taken no action to repair myself. Since I have never removed of this thorn, I continually feel its pain ever so often. I did not realize it until my first term report card this year that I was behind my own suffering. This event became even more significant when I realized that I would be unable to apply for pre-admissions with these grades. Hence, suffering to that extent brought me to my senses and I finally decided to remove the thorn, When I looked down, however, I noticed that my skin had begun to grow around it, permanently embedding it into me. In the following weeks of my report card, I pulled it out as far as I could. It’s still stuck there, however, it’s on the verge of breaking out. Over my years of losing marks, as well as the respect of those around me, I finally gained the power to move beyond this tendency, and have been given the ability and strength to remove of my thorn.
I still wonder why I was unable to do so before. Perhaps it was the fear of the pain. The removal of the thorn, although beneficial, could only be done through a painful process. And, as a procrastinator, I continued to prolong its removal, allowing it to grow into a much greater dilemma. I knew my path – the crosswalk I had to take – yet I refused, due to fear of the pain – the rain. This refusal resulted in my family and friends being able to move ahead, to see the other side. The side which, I have heard, the sun is always facing. The brighter side – one without rain. At first, I neglected the fact that I could improve my situation through such simple steps. However, as I stood in the rain, hit by raindrops to no end, I finally decided to walk. And although it came (and is still coming) very slowly, my ability to walk has gotten me further than I have ever been. Soon, I will no longer needlessly suffer.
Through my own experience of suffering due to my own actions, I can say that an individual’s ability to determine their own destiny is strengthened by the negative events in one’s life, as one can learn the method to ensuring that no similar harm can reach them in that form. However, since suffering is inevitable, one will continue to suffer in various forms, however, the individual will not be influenced once again, if reformed. I was unable to allow myself to reform, which caused my suffering of over 10 years. Therefore, an individual unable to conform as their struggles demand will continue to struggle. And as the struggles increase in intensity, one may finally learn to react with, rather than against, their struggles, allowing them to have an influence in their own destiny.