What do these texts suggest to you about the ways in which individuals deal with the
uncertainties of the past?
Creative Response to the Poem “ Itinerary” by Eamon Grennan.
Theme statement: When an individual deals with uncertainties from the past, one way in which they may choose to go about it is to not only overcome, but to widen their perspective on a new way of approaching the issue and take something away from the experience.
I want to first begin with the past. My father, a timid farmer, has always asked me that if I cannot manage my eluded fears, then how can I manage my uncontrollable joy? He explains that the joys in life are much harder to contain and manage for they spill out onto every corner of your soul; but my fears can be contained, dusted into the trash as if they were worth nothing. My fears are quite worrisome for I have many. But my biggest bully, biggest insecurity is my own self image. You have to understand, I have a deep desire for invisibility, a passion to hide my every curve, every scar, and every corner of sadness that circulates in my body. I am fearful of the way my limbs bounce awkwardly everytime I attempt to take flight, it’s like being wrapped in a spider’s winding-sheet. They say your body’s a temple but they fail to mention the risks, for a temple is only a structure, brittle and lonely, with time it will become worn down by the elements.
Now comes my escape from reality. When everything becomes too much, instead of dealing with my fear, I dance away from it. I dance with my petal soft lips pressed against the rough speaker, a bluebottle latched onto my hand, my tense composure evaporating while my soul swims in the poisonous waters of the beat, the rhythm, the sound. My passion for invisibility, although artificial, becomes a passion to be known. The vibration of the music saws away my uncertainties and insecurities, allowing my heart to spill through my guts, to melt into the notes. Heart and beat, entirely in sync. Pounding…
My past is to run, to escape and to breath in the sweet nectar of the pulsing music and comforting drink.
Next comes the present, a turning point. The sun has been shining for days and days, so Father and I take breaks from weeding his potato drills, by taking long walks when the sun is the most kind; during sunset. He says to me, “like a dog going round and round, you circle a space you’ve always come back to, trying to find comfort in what was never there.” I stare intently at the yellow-edged sunset; with the sun coming to the end of its life, the sky is a blazing red, but to be reborn tomorrow. Taking in those simple words spoken by my dad, I realize my desire to be invisible was a comfort not many can enjoy, and like the dog, I go in circles trying to rest easy, not realizing that I have never had comfort. Never comfort in my own body. Glazing at the sun at its finest hour; I too, take in the sky that is my skin, and set it ablaze to burn off the flaking insecure scabs. Allowing it to sink below the red horizon – tomorrow will be a new day.
The future, full of my past thoughts and insecurities, these qualities that I have overcome. My passion for invisibility gone, this time, it is not artificial nor is it fake. It is truly gone. I decide that for the last time I will allow, but not give in, my lips to the harsh beating speaker and the snake coiled drink. With the music radiating and slowly fading through me, I dream of a new future; one without spiderweb lenses, bluebottles, and comfort zones. Instead, one with the rise and fall of the sunset. Cruising through the speed of light, I do not look back, the refreshing echo of vibrations leave me with it:
a new future.