A Collection of Past Thoughts and Insecurities

What do these texts suggest to you about the ways in which individuals deal with the

uncertainties of the past?

Creative Response to the Poem “ Itinerary” by Eamon Grennan.

Theme statement: When an individual deals with uncertainties from the past, one way in which they may choose to go about it is to not only overcome, but to widen their perspective on a new way of approaching the issue and take something away from the experience.

I want to first begin with the past. My father, a timid farmer, has always asked me that if I cannot manage my eluded fears, then how can I manage my uncontrollable joy? He explains that the joys in life are much harder to contain and manage for they spill out onto every corner of your soul; but my fears can be contained, dusted into the trash as if they were worth nothing. My fears are quite worrisome for I have many. But my biggest bully, biggest insecurity is my own self image. You have to understand, I have a deep desire for invisibility, a passion to hide my every curve, every scar, and every corner of sadness that circulates in my body. I am fearful of the way my limbs bounce awkwardly everytime I attempt to take flight, it’s like being wrapped in a spider’s winding-sheet. They say your body’s a temple but they fail to mention the risks, for a temple is only a structure, brittle and lonely, with time it will become worn down by the elements.

Now comes my escape from reality. When everything becomes too much, instead of dealing with my fear, I dance away from it. I dance with my petal soft lips pressed against the rough speaker, a bluebottle latched onto my hand, my tense composure evaporating while my soul swims in the poisonous waters of the beat, the rhythm, the sound. My passion for invisibility, although artificial, becomes a passion to be known. The vibration of the music saws away my uncertainties and insecurities, allowing my heart to spill through my guts, to melt into the notes. Heart and beat, entirely in sync. Pounding…

My past is to run, to escape and to breath in the sweet nectar of the pulsing music and comforting drink.

Next comes the present, a turning point. The sun has been shining for days and days, so Father and I take breaks from weeding his potato drills, by taking long walks when the sun is the most kind; during sunset. He says to me, “like a dog going round and round, you circle a space you’ve always come back to, trying to find comfort in what was never there.” I  stare intently at the yellow-edged sunset; with the sun coming to the end of its life, the sky is a blazing red, but to be reborn tomorrow. Taking in those simple words spoken by my dad, I realize my desire to be invisible was a comfort not many can enjoy, and like the dog, I go in circles trying to rest easy, not realizing that I have never had comfort. Never comfort in my own body. Glazing at the sun at its finest hour; I too, take in the sky that is my skin, and set it ablaze to burn off the flaking insecure scabs. Allowing it to sink below the red horizon – tomorrow will be a new day.

The future, full of my past thoughts and insecurities, these qualities that I have overcome. My passion for invisibility gone, this time, it is not artificial nor is it fake. It is truly gone. I decide that for the last time I will allow, but not give in, my lips to the harsh beating speaker and the snake coiled drink. With the music radiating and slowly fading through me, I dream of a new future; one without spiderweb lenses, bluebottles, and comfort zones. Instead, one with the rise and fall of the sunset. Cruising through the speed of light, I do not look back, the refreshing echo of vibrations leave me with it:

a new future.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

4 thoughts on “A Collection of Past Thoughts and Insecurities

  1. Dearest Judy,
    Great work girl! You’re such an amazing writer and I genuinely get so giddy whenever you post because I get to read writing that feels authentic to you, thanks. Also, I was immediately drawn to this post because you used Conan Gray’s artwork – eek! My excitement aside, I LOVED this. The imagery you used throughout the piece was so meaningful and intentional. The things you described were conventional enough to feel like aspects of everyday life but the way you weaved them into the piece made them about you (I think this was about you, a personal and all). All in all, it was a wonderful way to hook your reader and them introduce them to the wonder of you! Wonderful, Judy, just wonderful!

    As far as edits go I would like to see how this personal reads is the transitions were less evident. What I mean is if the differentiation between past and present weren’t explicitly stated but rather described. Perhaps I just like imagery ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    As always, it’s been wonderful getting to read such beautiful writing.

    Much love,

    1. Dearest Ibukun,

      AHHHHHH, I LOVE CONAN GRAY! Just a correction, I took this personal in a more creative way, so this character was about some character I made up in my mind; although I sometimes do wish my dad was a farmer. Thank you so much for your kind words and edits, really appreciate it!


  2. Dearest Judy,

    This post was lovely! I had no clue you were so eloquent with your words in the way you were in this post. i find that it is hard for me to write like this. Using several metaphors, analogies, and sensory detail makes my writing convoluted, and my brain doesn’t exactly work in that way, but knowing that you are an art student, it makes complete sense to me how this thought process would be natural to you. I am familiar with this poem, and I love how you used direct lines to nuance your piece! I envy your creative skills so much, and I though this piece was absolutely captivating in its lyricism almost.

    My note of improvement as an assessor would be that I found the piece to be a bit hasty, meaning it seemed as though it was rushed in it’s ideas. I mainly just felt this way as we had little insight into any of your character’s history or his real attempt to face his uncertainties. Perhaps that was just my naivety towards the piece as this writing style surely is a more difficult one to decipher which made me miss details, I’m not too sure. That being said however, I have meaning to tell you how much I envy your capabilities for concise writing. I am straightforward in my writing and, but something I am OBVIOUSLY not is concise. This skill that you have is going to take you so far on diploma as I know you are a girl of little words, but when written, oh girl how that voice BOOMS!

    JUDY, you are such a blessing to this class. You bring a kind of energy and writing style I truly think is unique to everyone in the class. While we are all individual in our own respect, your style is like nothing I have ever seen before. It is graceful yet meaty and I love that so much. You are a true diamond in the rough my friend, keep on sparkling.

    With love,


    1. Dearest Yas,

      Wow, thank you so much for that thought filled comment. I really have no words to my gratitude other than I am so happy I got to be in the same family group as you this year and had the chance to learn with you. Thank you so much love <3


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *