I’ll Be So Much More

It’s funny how I’m always being told, “Home is where the heart is.”

It’s even more amusing when they tell me I have everything I should want in life. That my beauty is far too precious to be compared to anything else.

However, I never laugh. Because really… Are you kidding me?

…It’s like they don’t even know me.

Its been used throughout the ages, a word which can either evoke great sorrow within our fragile human emotions, or define who we are. It’s something that reaches into the depths of your body, tugging around for the perfect string to pull and control your every movement…


It determines where you want to be, colliding with all the other amazing possibilities your life is capable of… There’s no other place you’ll feel safe. No one will stop you from getting to where you belong.

I’m not allowed to feel that way.

It can make you feel trapped and searching for where it is you truly belong. It’s also the place associated with the childhood you wish to forget… But I’m afraid I’m not allowed to be disconnected with my past. It’s not my choice anymore. I feel like a puppet on a string, encased by the decisions of all those around me. They’ve already decided what’s best for me.


I always find myself asking, “What is home?”

Home is where there heart is… But I can’t seem to find my heart no matter how hard I look. I have an irrevocable need for adventure, to find where I belong and where I’m truly wanted. I want only the good things, the perfect land where the innocent people I so long for reside. I feel as though I dream of the impossible.

I’m not innocent. They already took that away from me.

I know no other way of living. I’ve been taught that this is how it’s going to be, that this curse they call beauty makes me valuable enough for this. My own family has trapped me into this way of thinking, that the only way for me to make up for the burden I have caused them is to sell myself to these monsters. All these years I have succumbed to what they felt was best for them, that this was where I belonged and I wasn’t allowed to leave.

I’m so much more than their toy, a way to give the satisfaction to others that they crave.

I’m so much more than a body to give for the sake of the benefit of others.

I’m so much more than a burden to this world and I will be so much more than a thing that you never even cared for.

I desperately wanted my parents to love me for who I was, to see the disgust in their eyes disappear. Isn’t that what all children want? To be cared and nurtured by their loving parents? There was always that one fear circulating in my head, suffocating me bit by bit… What if no one was able to love me now? I was afraid I would never find my heart… and I’d be lost forever.

I’m just a girl who only ever wanted to be loved, and only ever wanted to feel at home.

So when they tell me they love me, and that they only wanted what’s best for the family, I know I’m just a necessity. As I begin to break out of what seemed to be the endless torture at my parent’s hands and walk away, they ask me one simple question.

“Who’s going to love you now?”

By then I had realized the missing piece that always told me to be strong. This was the voice in my head telling me to persevere, to find the beauty that life can, and will, offer me. My heart was always knocking against my chest, a living reminder that I was alive and that I had myself to thank for getting me through it all. I’ll only ever feel at home if I’m confident in myself.

I thought about the answer I had been longing for, an answer I always had within me but had yet to find. Without a single glance back, I replied with certainty.


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6 thoughts on “I’ll Be So Much More

  1. Dear Elissa:

    I admire the way that you brought about to writing this piece. I feel like it really ties into our discussions on the ideals and truth in an individual’s life. You introspectively and beautifully describe the purity of self-love. I feel like in this world we are conditioned to be lovable and please others. Hypocrites, all of them! ” Be a people- pleaser!”, “Take care of yourself”. We are born to please and save everyone when sometimes, at the end of the day, you just need to save yourself.

    Every sentence that I read, I could agree to and moved me on a such a relatable level. Your writing is so honest and captivating that I couldn’t stop reading once I started. The passion that you have for finding your home is so evident in this piece and I hope to hear more about your journey in future pieces.

    The only grow I can offer is to add a bit more context when you are speaking of your family or who the “monsters” are. “My own family has trapped me into this way of thinking, that the only way for me to make up for the burden I have caused them is to sell myself to these monsters.” I believe that it will give your piece more depth and impact. Other than that, it was magnificent!

    This blog has a lot of potential to becoming a very persuasive and emotional personal response and I can’t wait to read more from you.




    1. Dearest Liza,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to view my post and comment such a beautiful response. I felt every word in my heart, and I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed it!

      As for the grow, I definitely agree! Thank you for drawing this to my attention. Reading back, I feel as though her situation would be made much clearer and assist to the impact of the story. I will try to work on this aspect in my next piece! I appreciate this very much.
      : )


  2. Dearest Elissa,

    This piece is so powerful and it is something that I can truly relate to. I find that I have lived my life for my parents, everything I do is to please them and in all of that, I lose myself. The raw beauty of this piece is admirable as the piece depicts something so heartbreaking in such an identifiable way, especially for our peers. Our school is academic, our sport is intelligence, and I find that a lot of us are just here to please our parents by getting good grades.

    “I’m so much more than a body to give for the sake of the benefit of others,” this line yanked my heart out of my chest and dropped it on the floor. You write with such a simple beauty that holds the capability to impact every reader differently.

    Your voice is strong in this piece. I’ve known you for a long time now and we have just started to talk more, and I can hear how you speak in your writing. To be able to hear your voice so clearly, was a treat to read.

    To improve on I would suggest looking over where you have placed commas as there are some instances that the flow of the sentence was interrupted. This is something I struggle with too, so don’t worry!

    Thank you so much for posting such a beautiful piece, that I felt what was written just for me. It was a blessing to read your first blog post, I am excited to read more of your writing!

    Kind Regards,


    1. Dearest Victoria,

      Thank you!!! I am so glad to hear that you were able to relate this to yourself, as I wrote this from my own experiences and feelings. I personally love literature that leaves an impact on my heart and soul, and I always hope to give that to my readers through my writing.

      Furthermore, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! It means a lot to me : ) Your kind words keep bringing a smile to my face.

      Oh!! I would also like to thank you for your advice on how to improve my writing. I see what you were saying about the flow, and I’m glad you drew attention to it.


  3. Dear Elissa,

    I might not know you very well, however I must say you write beautifully. This piece was really powerful, and while reading I couldn’t help but relate to it. I believe many can relate to this piece and as Victoria said, we try to fulfill others wishes, however while doing so we destroy ourselves.

    I can hardly think of any grow for you, however a few times the story didn’t flow much, but I am guilty of this myself. Your personality shows through your piece, which makes it evident that you put your heart, mind and soul in it.

    Your post is amazing and I will be wanting to be reading more from you soon.



    1. Dearest Enameka,

      Oh, how I must thank you for your comment!! I’m so happy you enjoyed it, and I’m glad you took time to read this. I appreciate every word of your feedback 🙂

      Also, thank you for the grow! I love to hear insight from others on how to improve, and I see your viewpoint clearly. I will reflect well on this advice.

      Your words are simply so beautiful and inspiring, you have made my day! I will once again thank you for taking the time to read and comment!


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