“Love, A Child of Divorce” – TED TALK

Dear Someone,

You are not used to girls who caution

your touch,

your heart,

your eyes.

Because girls fall in love with you all of the time, thoughtlessly.

But I am not – I cannot,

because I am a child of divorce.

Matrimony is not unbreakable

In fact, like

bones,

and roses,

and poetry

it is fragile.

It crumbles from

the yelling

the fighting.

It shatters from the

broken promises.

It breaks

the bond,

the love,

the lovers.

I am sorry I am not the type of girl who yearns to marry you.

I do not see a lifetime

when I hear

“i do”

I see all of the pain to

Inevitably be out through.

I am afraid,

terrified,

that you loving me

means, taking all of the pieces that make me,

me.

I’ve seen it.

You will slowly take

myself away from me.

And we will call this compromise.

A sacrifice here and there,

until one day we will have forgotten

about our own dreams

and hopes

and wants.

And we will call this love.

But I will have forgotten to be loved

and how to love you.

I am sorry I am not the type of girl who yearns to marry you.

I do not see a lifetime

when I hear

“i do”

And I know myself

and so do you.

I am stubborn and

competitive

And I will likely take

more than I can give.

If we were someday

to have a child

I know not what it means

to be

selfless,

forgiving,

or motherly,

because my own

was not her own.

She lost herself

in the fantasy

of what it means

not what it needs.

Married. Mothered. Monstrous.

You deserve me

the way you love me

not the way you might

make me.

I am sorry I am not the type of girl who yearns to marry you.

I do not see a lifetime

when I hear

“I do”

But I do see one with only you.

I see it when

I open my eyes into yours

and my bed is warm

and my hair

my sheets

my clothes

they all smell like you.

I see it when

that song

crackles through your broken stereo

and my hands reach out

to find that yours

is already there.

I see it in

my selfishness.

The way I fight it.

The way I begin to love you more than me.

The way your needs become my needs

and your hopes become my dreams.

I see it.

Happening

I see us.

Falling.

I once thought I was not the type of girl who yearned to marry you.

I once thought that love

could only fail

and should it not

it was not real.

I now think

someday I will say “I do”

I am still afraid,

but not of you.

You are not the type to

scream,

and yell.

Break your promises

or break me.

So will love you,

selflessly.

I am the type of girl

to love you.

however,

I am not the type of woman

to lose myself.

Love Always,

A Child of Divorce

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