We are what we pretend to be so we must be careful about what we pretend to be

-Kurt Vonnegut


Just someone who`s playing pretend

This is the stage and now I step into the glaring lights to play my part

The wall that was so strong, so steady

Just came crashing down

This road I worked so hard to pave

My hands broken by the work and my mind fragmented

This road has just grown treacherous

Like a wave that can`t be stopped

It engulfs me

Consumes me

My feet can`t find anything to stand upon,

To help myself get back up

Too much, too fast

Too quick, too soon

Take a step back


Now step back in

And shut it down

Don`t feel don`t be weak

Stay strong, time to put the mask on

Watch the whirlwind of words coming my way

They sweep me, carry me, up, up, up

Then drop me down, down, down

Fade away than come back again

Head spins round and round like a merry-go-round

Feelings. Thoughts. Emotions. Words.

Four pieces of a puzzle

Four pieces of a different puzzle

Interlocked, intertwined

Time to cut this string and let it go

Let the bridges burn down

Let me stand alone and bear my punishment

Let me have tears down my face so heavy I cannot stop to draw a breath

Let me choke on my sorrow

Let me lie there and forget

What should`ve been could`ve been always had been

Drop down fast then lift up and crash down once again.

Like a rollercoaster that never ends through twists and turns and upside downs

Find the solid ground

Twist, turn, now get ready to jump

Too late too slow

Already pulled under

Again, again

Keep going, keep going

Not real, now wake up

Take off the mask and put it back on

It`s all just pretend

Just pretend


I wrote this piece a few months back, and initially it wasn’t a poem it was just a stream of consciousness that I had written down in the midst of my lowest points concerning depression. I had been deeply depressed for a few days, so when I wrote this my mind was locked in the head space that there was no escape.

That no one would ever be able to understand me.

I had gotten frustrated and fed up because every time I tried to stand tall, I kept falling. And I just…couldn’t handle it anymore. But thankfully, I got out of that slump and looking back on it now I still carry some of those same feelings but they aren’t as strong as they were then.

I believe the only way to truly achieve recovery is to accept what has happened, and this has helped me to get there. My Letter to Depression, My This I Believe, and now Pretend- are just another part of my journey.

There is no greater strength then the one you hold within yourself.

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