We are what we pretend to be so we must be careful about what we pretend to be
Just someone who`s playing pretend
This is the stage and now I step into the glaring lights to play my part
The wall that was so strong, so steady
Just came crashing down
This road I worked so hard to pave
My hands broken by the work and my mind fragmented
This road has just grown treacherous
Like a wave that can`t be stopped
It engulfs me
My feet can`t find anything to stand upon,
To help myself get back up
Too much, too fast
Too quick, too soon
Take a step back
Now step back in
And shut it down
Don`t feel don`t be weak
Stay strong, time to put the mask on
Watch the whirlwind of words coming my way
They sweep me, carry me, up, up, up
Then drop me down, down, down
Fade away than come back again
Head spins round and round like a merry-go-round
Feelings. Thoughts. Emotions. Words.
Four pieces of a puzzle
Four pieces of a different puzzle
Time to cut this string and let it go
Let the bridges burn down
Let me stand alone and bear my punishment
Let me have tears down my face so heavy I cannot stop to draw a breath
Let me choke on my sorrow
Let me lie there and forget
What should`ve been could`ve been always had been
Drop down fast then lift up and crash down once again.
Like a rollercoaster that never ends through twists and turns and upside downs
Find the solid ground
Twist, turn, now get ready to jump
Too late too slow
Already pulled under
Keep going, keep going
Not real, now wake up
Take off the mask and put it back on
It`s all just pretend
I wrote this piece a few months back, and initially it wasn’t a poem it was just a stream of consciousness that I had written down in the midst of my lowest points concerning depression. I had been deeply depressed for a few days, so when I wrote this my mind was locked in the head space that there was no escape.
That no one would ever be able to understand me.
I had gotten frustrated and fed up because every time I tried to stand tall, I kept falling. And I just…couldn’t handle it anymore. But thankfully, I got out of that slump and looking back on it now I still carry some of those same feelings but they aren’t as strong as they were then.
I believe the only way to truly achieve recovery is to accept what has happened, and this has helped me to get there. My Letter to Depression, My This I Believe, and now Pretend- are just another part of my journey.
There is no greater strength then the one you hold within yourself.