I think we all have someone…
Someone worth getting up for in the morning. Someone who comforts you after a long day. Someone who, despite all of your struggles and hardships, gives you the strength to carry forward. The reason to live. Because as long as you have them by your side, everything will be okay…
Right?
The thing is we, as humans, are all merely mortal beings. Any one of us could potentially die, so to speak, at any given time- we just don’t know when. Or even worse, your loved ones could disappear. And you don’t have control over it. I don’t have control over it.
With the pandemic looming over our heads and the idea of death being ever-so present, these past days spent in isolation and solitude have got me thinking rather unpleasant thoughts. And who wouldn’t? News of potential wars, and giant mutant superbugs, and racist attacks, and police brutality, and threats from politicians are clouding my sky. It’s getting dark.
Perhaps I am being too pessimistic about it. Perhaps we will find a cure, and things will go back to normal. But what if it doesn’t? What if the news that my dad gets from his political radio station is accurate? What if the prediction— that there will be a wave two and 1 out of 3 people will die— comes true? Too many uncertainties are filling the air.
And I know that it is hypocritical of me to worry over the potential destruction of my peaceful world when several countries are already experiencing thousands of deaths due to the pandemic on top of war and famine. I am lucky; I am blessed. But I can’t imagine experiencing it myself. A collapsing world, chaos, violence, hunger… They puff up in little clouds and linger before leaving.
Death. Is haunting. Waiting to knock on a door. It could be mine. Or, it could be someone I know. The latter is worse.
I honestly don’t know how to go on if someone close to me were to pass away. As someone who has no purpose and attaches herself to her loved ones, someone dying would be like a piece of her missing. Can she still function with a missing piece? Only time can tell.
The clouds are rolling in. They are angry, charged with static, ready to unleash. Where to strike? They aren’t very forgiving, you know…
I hope the sky clears soon.
I honestly do not know what this vomit is. Originally, I was planning a deep piece that would be connected to Night, where Elie loses all hope after thinking that his father died, but my attention span has shortened to that of a hamster (or worse). So, I kind of let my thoughts flow in small sentences. Worries about the present and the future, and death. All very bright and cheery topics, I know.
Featured Image: https://tenor.com/search/animated-storm-clouds-gifs
