Work Out



Quentin Tarantino has directed some of the most beautiful films I have seen in my life. He is, in a sense, the anti-director. His work is based purely on dialogue; each of his films slowly builds up through discussions among characters. Hence, by the end of his movies, each character is fully developed and streamlined. Of course, extreme amounts of gore and violence are also present throughout a Tarantino film (in this writer’s opinion, it is downright refreshing) but the slow, long, discussions that Tarantino dutifully creates in his work is what separates him from other directors. Watching a Tarantino movie is normally close to a three-hour affair; it is almost always a slow burn. Tarantino isn’t sprinting towards the finish line in hopes of using pure adrenalin to win. He takes his time to fully understand the world he is showing to an audience; the script is written to perfection; every scene shown is quintessentially accurate to the story and plot of the film. Nothing in a Tarantino film is done by accident, it is always purposefully placed there, or just grazed by the camera in a form of irony, or perhaps foreshadowing. In terms of what Tarantino has done in the business, nay art, of filmmaking, it seems that good things truly do take a long time.


If being isolated for months has done anything in my life, it’s opened my eyes to the atrocities of the world around me. Seeing racism, poverty, and disease more frequently has significantly matured me as an individual. And yet, I somehow feel like a child seeing all these things occurring around me. It’s confusing, and scary. I want someone to tell me everything will be ok; that everything will be fine. All people are good right? Racism, poverty, and disease will be fixed one day right? As I sit and write this, I hope so. I have so much time to think in isolation that I am watching more and more television shows and movies to just not think anymore. I want to focus on myself and improving who I am, but I don’t see the point. Sometimes, I don’t know if I’m just tired or if this mood is how I normally am. All around me there is news of more killings. I think I am evil, or simply so desensitized to this continuous barrage of death that I don’t really care. I think if I died, only a handful of people would truly care. I am thankful for them. I hope there’s a heaven so I can be an angel and fly. Being able to fly would be perhaps one of the most elated feelings I could wish to experience. 


It’s amazing how many famous celebrities are horrible people. Michael Jackson molested a cancer patient and reportedly paid over $200 million dollars to keep everyone quiet. Chris Brown beat Rihanna in 2009. Kobe Bryant raped a 19-year-old at a hotel and got away with it. These three were some of the people who I aspired to be when I grew up. Growing up, I can see that these people aren’t perfect. They are actually pretty appalling figures. I guess I just didn’t notice when I was younger. I must confess, however, for every single person I want the best. Even those who have wronged me in the past. Even for these horrible people who have done horrible things. I want life to work out for everyone. 


As this blog entry is, reality is messy. Life is almost nothing like our own dreams. Growing up has rendered me an emotional wreck at times and will almost certainly do many times more. It is the sheer unpredictability of life that makes it so beautiful. Perhaps I am tired, but I will always have ample time to rest and rejuvenate myself. Our role models can disappoint us, but alas, they are human as well and thus privy to the same mistakes anyone can make. Like a Tarantino film, life is long and one will always have many chances to truly find out who they are. I might feel like I cannot breathe right now, but I know it will work out. Shit, I hope it will work out. I’m burned out. 



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