“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my mother.” – Abraham Lincoln
I believe in the power of wisdom from parents. I believe that growth occurs once one embraces the guidance from their parents as it can propel them to attain their varying aspirations so that they can be a superlative figure. I believe parents can guide and inform their children of valuable knowledge that will be lucrative when they encounter their numerous hardships, so prosperity can be achieved.
When I was young, it was a heavy burden and challenge for me to remove my hoodie from my body without dragging my t-shirt up along with it. Though I desired to wear this hoodie everywhere as it was cozy, warm, and it had my favourite soccer team’s logo sealed right in the centre. My loving parents knew the embarrassment I would feel, being self-conscious, if my shirt flew up in public revealing my stomach. They taught me a way in which I could easily remove the hoodie without taking off the shirt as well, but I thought their way was weird since it took long and I thought my parents were old-fashioned. However, I later learned that their way was the proper and most efficient way to take it off, it just took practice to get quick at it. During an elementary field trip, I had decided to dress in this nice hoodie so that I could show all my friends. After finishing an outdoor experiment, the class returned to the lab where we were instructed to remove all jackets. I watched in astonishment as my peers took off their hoodies with ease. Influenced by the pressure of the intense moment I tried to quickly remove my hoodie, but my t-shirt came up with it enabling all my friends to see my belly. My cheeks started to burn as they turned into a rosy red while the whole class was giggling, the teacher did not even know what to say. I was showered in embarrassment as I put my shirt back on and sat back in my seat, and still today my friends tease me about that moment I couldn’t take off my hoodie properly. I should have listened to my parents’ wisdom.
When I grew up and matured, I realized how silly it was that I had not followed my parents’ advice which was the correct and most effective way to take off one’s hoodie while keeping the shirt on. My parents would do anything in their power for me to have a better life as they only desire that I become my best self. If I had agreed to follow my parents useful ideas I would have not needed to deal with the immense stress that I had to endure during that moment. My parents were just trying to provide information on how I can best overcome my obstacle, and if I had adopted their practices I would have excelled through my problem with ease. When I reflect back to the incident I feel an ample amount of regret as I knew if I had listened to my parents I would have not been humiliated, and could live my life with contentment. I should have listened to my parents’ wisdom.
Throughout my life I have realized how my parents have changed all aspects of my life for the better. They are always helping me with questions I have regarding school and trying to make me a better and kinder individual overall. Without them I would definitely not be who I am today. My parents are always trying to teach me nifty tips that always help make my life easier so that I can accomplish more of my goals. They desire for me to continue to grow as they understand my weaknesses and try to make me stronger and better in those areas. Whenever I do not listen or accept my parents’ advice I become guilty as I know they are just trying their best to help me. Since they always do what is best for me and sacrifice so much so that I can attain prosperity and jubilance, I will always listen to my parents wisdom.
References:
Emulated and inspired by the ideas of Alan Lightman
Featured Image: https://www.wsj.com/articles/parents-need-to-help-their-children-take-risks-11571932922
Image 2: https://www.skipprichard.com/9-leadership-lessons-from-dad/
Dear Zanir,
I’d just like to say how lucky you are to be filled with a class of such wonderful and inspiring writers – this has become evident after reading your work and that of your peers.
Beginning your piece with a quote was an excellent idea; as it framed the rest of your piece in the light of parenthood, which was a nice touch to write about personally. Your writing style is succinct and free of errors that normally taint a piece. This is a nicely polished post that showcases your strength as a progressive writer, as your flow and buildup of the plot and analysis are excellent.
However, the example you chose is obviously quite trivial to the average person; which is fine, however, it could have been improved if you were to inject some humour to make us laugh along with the young boy that you once were. It almost felt as though this example was being taken a bit too far and was forced to fit the mould of the writing instead of using it as an example that would strengthen it.
That said, this is a solid blog post, and I look forward to reading your work in the future.
Dear, Zaid
Firstly, I extend my warmest thanks to you for taking the time to read my blog. I am immensely grateful and appreciative for the guidance and advice which you have provided to help enhance my blog. I feel blessed that such a wonderful writer has commented on my work so that I can obtain new ideas that will make me excel in writing.
Your specific recommendations are very valuable as I now understand that I need to provide more humor into my story to greater engage the audience. Also, I will definitely continue to work on improving my example so that it fits better in my story, which will better help me convey the message of my essay.
Once again, thank you so much. Receiving a comment from you was astonishing and I know you will continue to inspire my writing for many years.
Kind regards,
Zanir
Dear Zanir,
Firstly, I would like to say that I also regard my parent’s wisdom as highly valuable, and I initially chose to write about this belief before I abruptly changed it. Thus, I can say that I can really connect to your belief and your narrative used to exemplify it. While reading your writing, I was reminded of the several times that I made a fool of myself or faced embarrassment or hardship, because I chose to ignore my parent’s words. Also, I really applaud you for telling such a simple story and using it to reinforce such a heavy belief. This made your writing very lighthearted, and so I found it entertaining and had pleasure reading it. Also, although you were transitioning from telling your story and explaining the meaning, your writing still flowed very freely and did not leave me with confusion or clarifying questions. Overall, I enjoyed your piece because it was very intriguing and I loved the simplicity of it. However to improve, I would suggest adding diversity to sentence structure; I noticed a trend in how you were structuring some of your phrases. This would add some complexity into your narrative, increasing its depth and adding powerful vocabulary. I appreciate that your writing was not excruciating long, and you didn’t add unnecessary or new topics. You were consistently relevant with your main point, throughout the whole piece of writing. Overall,I loved your simple way of conveying information and feeling.
Dear Zanir,
As a member of my grade seven class, you have seen firsthand how much I value, nay, love my mom and dad. They have sacrificed so much for me and I am humbled to think that without even one of them, I would not be anywhere close to as successful as I am now (with school and athletics) and nowhere near to reaching my full potential as a human being.
This is why, upon reading the first quote of your blog entry, I was immediately hooked. Your articulate style of writing created a piece that was very smooth and quite entertaining to read and analyze. The way you described yourself in certain situations, whether that of being fearful or simply aspiring to fit in, evoked a strong sense of empathy from me. Certain vocabulary words, too, were implemented at exactly the right moment, which played a rather larger factor in elevating your writing (take the use of “nifty” in paragraph four). In terms of improvement, I implore your to expand your sentence structure; the repetition of very similar sentences in your work made it stale. By switching up the structure, you can draw the reader in even more.
All in all, Zanir, it was a pleasure to indulge in your work. You are a very gifted writer and your voice is one that can spark tales to astonish. Each sentence you wrote flowed seamlessly into the post and I look forward to seeing how you progress as the year goes on.
Best wishes,
Ben
Dear Zanir,
I quite enjoyed reading your story and I could relate to it easily as I also value my parent’s wisdom as well. Your story was engaging and it kept your piece interesting and funny. It seems just like you to put such an funny, embarrassing moment for a This I Believe. You were also able to turn a small, embarrassing moment into a firmly grounded belief. Your word choices kept your story interesting and the way you kept on bringing back the line,” I should have listened to my parents wisdom.” shows how vital that belief is. Your point to get across was direct and you piece was just like you as a person, lighthearted and easygoing.
As for improvements for this piece, I would make the story more humorous. When I was reading it, it felt like the story was sad, rather than funny. By making the story more humorous, it makes the piece even more lighthearted and represents you better.
Your piece was clear and expressed your belief clearly. It represents who you are as a person and I will definitely read more of your writings.
Sincerely, Yifeng
Zanir,
The more of the AP10 posts I read, the more I wish that we had a 10 / 11 / 12 split class for AP. In terms of technical skill, this piece was excellently done; you had interesting and dynamic diction choices, a solid thesis that was maintained as the central focus, and solid evidence to support your claims. I have a feeling that you’ll find critical essays to be your calling this year (can’t wait to read them!). As a relatively scientific person myself, I deeply appreciate this organization, as it made your piece unified and easy to understand. However, being scientific, I can also recognize a degree of emotional detachment when I see it. I have a hunch that you have learned more from your parents than hoodie etiquette, and I would love to hear a bit more about you than this surface-level example. Believe me, I know how much of a struggle it can be to put personal feelings into a piece, but it always, always makes it a million times stronger. Even if you aren’t comfortable with personal stories, try using more figurative language to truly express how you felt in this instances. Don’t just tell me you were embarrassed, tell me how your cheeks burned and your body wanted to phase out of existence. Make my own heart squeeze with memories of my own public humiliations.
Since you were one of my first group of link kids last year, I was pleasantly surprised to see you on this blog, and even more pleasantly surprised to see your strong grasp on structure and form. This was an excellent post, and I look forward to seeing what you can create in the future!
Love,
Maria 🙂
Dear Maria,
Wow! To have such an inspirational figure and an amazing writer to comment on my work is absolutely sensational and I am so grateful that you looked through my first blog post. Having known you from being my link crew leader from last year makes this comment extra special and I was so surprised but thrilled to receive a comment from you. I immensely appreciate the lovely compliments on my writing and you have helped end my weekend on a brighter note. Your comment portrayed great depth and insight into the details of my work which will help me enhance my writing so that it can become stronger and convey deeper meanings.
I will apply your ideas of improvement into my work so that I can develop powerful messages which will intrigue readers and help them be more engaged. I am guilty of not being comfortable expressing my personal feelings, but thanks to you I now understand that by doing so my work will vastly benefit as deeper meanings in the work will be expressed. Also, I will seek to utilize my figurative language skills so that my feelings of embarrassment will be greater communicated. Through writing deeper personal connections and describing my feelings in broad detail my writing will be significantly improved.
Thank you so much for commenting on my work as your advice has immensely helped to enhance my work. I know that I will continue to see you as a role model as you are such a wonderful writer and human being.
Best wishes,
Zanir
Dear Amanat, Ben, and Yifeng,
Thank you all for lovely comments and I truly appreciate the time you took to read through my blog and critique it. I am so content that everyone was able to connect to my story and that I am not the only person who has also experienced being a fool for not listening to my parents. To know that many of you also value your parents immensely and how you are more prosperous due to them makes me feel jubilant.
I will definitely apply your advice into my writing as the repetitive sentence structure makes the writing bland, and with different types of sentences my work will become more enjoyable for readers. I acknowledge your insight to make my sentence structure more diverse so that my writing can be enhanced resulting in an essay which can convey more powerful ideas and concepts. In addition, through everyone’s critiques I understand that by increasing the humor in my work readers will be more inclined to read, and it will make the writing more lighthearted. Everyone’s ideas of improvement has helped enrich my work, so I am so grateful to you all.
You are all beautiful writers who can portray abstract concepts which is why I am exhilarated to hopefully work with you guys in the near future. Once again thank you so much.
Kind regards,
Zanir