The impact of separation in an individual’s life.
Text: All My Puny Sorrows and Approaching Shadow
There are no words that define the love for my sister. It isn’t just her humour, or her kindness, or her beauty. It the love we have for each other; a love that transcends time, and defies gravity. Even the raging fire from our worst fights are cooled, just because it is she that I am fighting with. It is how I can undoubtedly, always be one hundred percent myself around her. Even if I’m not myself- she can tell. We see through each other more transparently than ice. We have always been that close. We spend every second of every day together and I am eternally grateful for every second.
I often hear people think we are close because are the same person. Everything about that statement is false. Sure, we both like reading, we both have good grades, we both were raised by the same mother. But that is not why we are close. Everything I need but do not have she does. It is our differences that bring us together. She is idealistic; she sees the world doe-eyed and through rose-tinted glasses and could care less. The idea of a dream means more to her than any reality. She refuses to believe that life is anything less than a grand adventure that you must seize and be grateful for. I, however, am the complete opposite. I have a checklist of things that I need to do before I am thirty. Dreams scare me. I think 99% of the dreams in one’s life traps you chase for, but will never achieve. 99% of dreams are unrealistic wants that will never happen. I used to believe that 100% of dreams are untrue. She changed it to 99%. She is the 1%.
She has become such a large part of who I am that I don’t know what I am without her. She is a part of every decision I make. She is aware of everything in my life, (sometimes even more than I, myself.) I often find myself listening to everything she advises because I know she knows what’s best for me. She is the one that keeps me from slipping. She is the one certainty in my life. The one person I know that will stay with me forever and ever. I imagine life without my sister and all I see is darkness and uncertainty. It scares me. I know that soon enough we will be separated in university but until that day, I will cling onto every last minute I have left with my sister.
The time has come. She is leaving; moving onto better things I imagine- hopefully, some school where people can compete with her level of grace and magnificence. I can’t stop her. She deserves this too much.
I have no choice but to let her go.
From that point on, being away from her was everything I had imagined. It was a world of uncertainty. Every day seemed to be a struggle, as I had no one but myself to solve my problems, to keep me going. There was only me to hold my legs up when I was slipping on ice, so I held my legs up myself. It was quite empowering actually. I had never had that kind of power- that kind of confidence to do anything without my sister. I had developed this new sense of independence. No longer was I looking into the shadows of my life, but rather up towards the light. Rather than being seen as someone’s sister I was being seen a someone.
The next time I was with my sister, we both had become so much stronger over the course of our separation. We individuals that motivated and cared for each other.
Before, she was someone who held me up when I was slipping on the ice.
Now, she is the one pushing me to go faster.