There is a certain pleasure in appreciating the beauty of a blooming flower in a garden. There is a certain pleasure in indulging one’s self in your sickle-shaped eyes; in drinking in the oasis of your smile splayed forth from a simple yet carefully practiced and rehearsed joke. There is a certain pleasure in fantasizing about the days and months ahead, moving perpetually closer to you until we are both focussed under the same spotlight: the spotlight of envious eyes who wish they’d have a chance to hold you in their arms.
And yet, I am one of them. One in the long line of admirers your innocent eyes never seem to see. Another of those who long for the joys of pining in your sight; of touching the beautifully smooth brow and lips encasing such a radiant smile. No messenger has sent forth his letters yet that you have accepted; you have not allowed anyone to caress or corrupt your perfect nature that only you are entitled to.
For oftentimes, I forget that you are a star. I forget that I’m a comet. I forget you’re hot, and I’m just a frozen rock speeding around you, orbiting you so faithfully though you will never turn and bless me with a look of anything beyond our basic assumed friendship. For you assume too much: you assume that the mere friend I am in your eyes is reciprocated completely from my eyes. Your innocence does not assume that my intentions lie in the depths of your soul that no other has reached; your innocence does not assume that I notice the way you brushed your hair today so that your ears just poke out of it, or the beautiful blemishes left upon your face by the bountiful compliments received from earlier.
I have been starstruck: you were ascending the stairs to heaven as I went down the other place, our eyes met for a moment. Temptations that tripped me and threw me down the steps, falling at the base of hell, though I cannot enter that place, for I know your angelic beauty is best suited for my eyes, and the warmth from your burning core shrouds me in a drug of which you are the pill and the high.
You do not know how deep this well of writing runs; no pollutant stains this aquifer, and you do not know how plentiful the reserves of rivers and lakes run teeming with a fresh infatuation of you. I could write this forever; the pen of this heart shall never run dry for these lines; the scarcity of which you’d be honoured to know, for no other receives these words as I shall pour out and overflow the page for you.
And yet, I am still here. Still writing, as she mills about, casting her smile at everyone who prompts it; her sheer innocence not understanding that they want more.
I want more. For I know that even if I somehow managed to pull your celestial presence towards me for a second, I’d be tarnishing the intricacy of your beauty. You are something that deserves to put on a shelf and admired by all until you find the one who is worthy to hold your flaming essence and pull your orbit into his. Until then, I’m still here, writing about the delicate swooshes of her eyebrows and perfectly forming nose. Until then, I’m still an idealist; somehow hoping that I will be the one who is entitled to caress and not corrupt; to admire and not assault.
I will be here forever: your friendly admirer off to the side – someone who you will never give a second glance after he tells a joke though he may hope to see a hint of something lingering on her face. I will be here forever to record every time your cheekbones rise as your smile rests so gracefully on your face, to bathe in the honey and syrup of your angelic laughter. I will be here forever – my orbit of you shall never cease though I recognize my mass won’t hold an inkling of importance to you. I will be here forever to welcome you if you decide that I am worthy of your touch; if I am worthy to be the harbinger of love yet to come, if I am worthy to be the first sampler of the rose on your lips.
this hopeless romantic
This piece is incredibly important to me. I won’t talk about the specifics of the writing, as I don’t want to be known as ‘Mr. Romance,’ but I do recognize that this is a piece that I never could have written last year. My writing journey began with me as an individual scared to try new things; nothing poetic, and definitely nothing about my feelings. One fateful day in creative writing class, I was ill-fated enough to be forced into sharing my romantic musings for the first time, and eventually, this developed into so much more writing for me. But before that even happened, I went through an awakening of idealism; I realized that I had a voice that I could honour and let flourish, or be embarrassed of and hide away. I evidently made the right choice, and I hope my newfound confidence in trying new writing can produce some excellent work. Certainly, there is a level of finesse and tentative balance that exists between hopeless romanticism and stoic security. As for my own life, I have no idea to navigate such waters, although I don’t think that’ll be a concern for me (at least for now.)
I thank you for reading this and witnessing my exasperated sighs of emotion that I seek to help me further myself in the world of writing, and the realm of infinite possibility that lies within it.
11 thoughts on “this hopeless romantic”
“Oo La LA” and “Excellent travail mon ami!” (Google Translate my friend). This was enjoyable to read and, like it or not, you have a great style for this kind of thing. I actively enjoyed reading this, especially all the parts when you continued to push the metaphor of the comet and the star. Your grammar and punctuation were flawless and complex, the whole blog had great flow, diction, and you conveyed what is clearly your feelings fluently into your piece.
For improvement, treat this as “you’re already amazing, now push it further” situation. This is good to read, now make it longer; see if you can keep the same flow going for another paragraph in order to see how far you can make this go. Like I said, there isn’t anything I could find wrong with this post, but that could be a way to improve.
Before I begin, I would just like to critique your comment first: you said that I conveyed “what is clearly (my) feelings fluently into (my) piece”; however, I would like to make it incredibly clear that this is completely 100% fictional and hypothetical and there is absolutely no truth from my personal life within this piece. None at all.
I’m just jesting though, don’t worry; I know you mean well and I sincerely actually am very grateful that you took the time to leave a comment here. My intention was to sort of write in a “plotless” way, so I’m glad you think that i have a good style for this, as it’s something I’m pretty new to so any criticism is definitely appreciated. Honestly, I do now wish that I did make this piece longer, as although I do have my romance series which is pretty similar, I do think you’re correct in saying that some more length to this piece would elevate it a bit more.
Thank you for your feedback and please come back to read some more of my writing, as your words are always very much appreciated here.
this hopeless romantic (not Zaid)
*Dear Hopeless Romantic,
What can I say but wow. After reading nothing but gently cynical pieces from you, this is such a refreshing look into your diversity as a writer. I commend you for your bravery in showing this side of you…your willingness to display your passion makes the piece all the more impactful. On the topic of passion, you truly communicated the hopeless aspect of romance well in this piece, with the endless flow of imagery that idolizes your subject. Though the wordiness and mixed metaphors can detract from the organization, it is incredibly effective for demonstrating how deep and intense the feelings discussed truly are. The balance between coherence and passion is difficult to strike, and I think a more even match between the two would have elevated this piece even higher than it already is.
I am so, so pleased to have read a piece so packed full of unironic and undisguised emotion from you. It is a breath of fresh air, and I do hope to see traces of this genuine passion elsewhere.
Lots of love,
Ps. That line about a joke that is simple but was practised and rehearsed was such a perfect summary of the way you act when you are in love…I might have to write something inspired by it
I do not normally like to criticize comments, but in this case there is an error with the very first line in which you seem to address ME as ‘the hopeless romantic’ which is completely preposterous. I have never felt a mere inkling of romance within my heart. None at all. However, I do understand the confusion; my reply to Jimmy’s comment was adressed by ‘this hopeless romantic’ but I did not actually write that comment as the ‘hopeless romantic’ did.
That said, thank you for your comment because in the past I’ve found it very difficult to write this type of stuff and publish it for everyone to read. I’m glad my metaphors and such really communicated the passionate intent of this, and I do actually agree that perhaps toning it down a bit could make it more coherent and structured. I find it difficult to hold back when I’m just going crazy and springboarding all my ideas, so I will definitely look to working on your suggestions.
It has been an honour to recieve your comment, and I assure you that all your suggestions are very here forever, and I do very much value your advice.
Lots of Lasagna,
this hopeless romantic (possibly Zaid, although very unlikely)
You are such a genuine writer, which is such an interesting change from who you present yourself as in person. I truly do appreciate both sides of you! Getting to experience your writing in both a critical and creative manner has been an absolute honour and I am so excited to see you grow next year — even if I won’t be there to see it directly. I am so proud of you growing out of your comfort zones and creating amazing pieces like this!
I love, as Maria stated above, the duality you explore in this piece: hopelessness and restraint. Those two concepts don’t seem to work together, however, you made it work. It is interesting to consider how something that would, in many cases, spur impulsive choice is what allows the narrator to maintain distance and restraint. The space imagery throughout this piece was utilized beautifully and has inspired me to add another plotline into my potential personal response bank. Thank you!
I agree with Maria that sometimes the wordiness does somewhat distract from the overall point of the piece; while the feeling does get through in the end, it feels like a long journey to truly feel what you are trying to say. That being said, I can also see it being attributed to an artistic choice of wanting to show how the narrator feels and how love is felt in so many ways.
Overall, I am so glad you have shared this with us and I am so glad that I read this piece (go waiting until the last minute to do comments!). I would love to see this adapted into a monologue because the shift between unadulterated passion to acceptance of distance is really beautiful.
(P.S. I am glad to see you have joined the uncapitalized title gang)
I try my best to present all the sides of me through my writing, and so I’m glad that you can appreciate seeing that. I thank you very much for visiting my post and leaving your advice here: I am constantly inspired by your writing and so it’s great to have some direct feedback from you. I do hope that I can grow into a better person and writer, and I guess you’ll just have to settle for seeing me in my (hopefully) second-best year of high school.
I only noticed after you and Maria had pointed it out, but yes, the writing does seem very wordy and looping instead of getting to the feelings early. It makes the writing almost seem aimless. Sometimes I feel like I have an idea of what I’m trying to say at the end before I even start writing, and I forget that other people don’t know what’s going on in my brain before I actually start writing, so I do need to work on making my ideas more clear early on. Interestingly enough, I actually was considering adapting another piece very similar to this into a monologue, and I will definitely take your advice into account when I do that.
Once again, Nimrat, thank you for reading my post and leaving your feedback which is always welcome here. I can’t express how grateful I am to be surrounded by such amazing people such as yourself who constantly inspire me to step out of my comfort zone and try something new.
Also, I have succumbed to the fever of uncapitalizing my titles, but I will get better very soon – thank you for checking in.
With much respect,
this hopeless romantic
This is a favourite – thank you for the courage to share your heart’s voice. It truly shows your gift and diversity as a writer!
I have been dying to read this piece and now that I finally have, I am so happy I did. First off, I just want to commend you for acknowledging your growth as a writer and person, as well as opening yourself up to us all. Vulnerability is the most courageous thing a person can ever do and I am so proud of you for doing so.
With the first sentence, I was hooked. The imagery and diction throughout your piece left my hungry imagination utterly satisfied with images of flowers and space and heaven swimming through my mind. The use of repetition of certain phrases was utterly masterful: “There is a certain pleasure…”, “your innocence…”, etc. Wow Zaid. I have such great respect for your writing and for me, who is definitely a self proclaimed romantic, I just could not get enough of your words.
As for room for improvement, I would agree with my beautiful Nim and Maria, but other than that I just could not find anything else. Your work is astounding.
Thank you again for sharing your heart and showing your readers a side that many are not able to see. I am so glad i could spend time with you in Biology and English, what an actual blessing.
I had been dying to write this piece, so I’m glad that all my effort and passion showed itself onto the page. I do agree that vulnerability is necessary for growth, and it took me a long time to get to a point where I could feel comfortable doing that. The reason I can even do it now is because of the support of people like you – your encouragement and feedback always helps me grow as a person.
Honestly, now that like three people have mentioned it, I guess it must be an actual issue that I’ve gone a bit too far on the descriptive side to the point where it seems redundant, so I’ll look to fixing that.
It’s been a pleasure to get to know you this year, and I hope I get blessed with your presence again in the future sometime.
I know this isn’t the best thing to say in a comment but bruh… This piece is really good. As a super romantic this piece absolutely blew me away. I’m really glad that you decided to make this piece and share your amazing writing and romantic heart.
I think my favourite thing about this piece was your use of imagery. As someone who is very visual reading your piece caused an image to be painted before my eyes as to what it looks like to be a hopeless romantic. Up until now, I had no idea how to express what being a hopeless romantic was like. Now when anyone asks I’ll be sure to just send them this blog post.
I love being your friend Zaid. You always surprise me with your talent, heart, and brain. You are always able to come up with a new perspective and learn something new. I have learned so much from you and I’ve loved seeing you grow and change this semester.
I know this isn’t the best thing to say in a comment but 🅱️ruh, this piece was actually pretty good (in my opinion). I tried my best to remain emotional and exasperated to really show the hopelessness in my writing here, so I’m glad it could be seen.
I try my best to be a good friend and keep surprising you. Hopefully I won’t run out of them anytime soon.