Free Choice — The One

“When God made The Man, he made them out of stuff that sung all the time and glittered all over. Some angels got jealous and chopped him into millions of pieces, but still, he glittered and hummed. So they beat him down to nothing but sparks but each little spark had a shine and a song. So they covered each one over with mud. And the lonesomeness in the sparks make them hunt for one another.”

~ Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

An attempt at an ancient myth regarding the origin of humans and bugs.

As this piece got published elsewhere, I am no longer allowed to have this story on this blog. To read it, please click the following link:

 


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6 thoughts on “Free Choice — The One

  1. Dear Nazeefa,

    I find it so interesting how you wrote from the perspective of a bug and really personified them. The quote you showed in the beginning was so beautiful and I think that this story was a great response to that. I loved the story and I was captivated every second. When you talked about The One and touched on how envy can cause so much damage I realized how similar these bugs and us humans can be. The video at the end also helped a tremendous amount, but maybe include it in the beginning first? I feel like that would be helpful so the reader can get a background knowledge and understand life from a bugs perspective more? Either way it is still great!

    I’m very excited to read more of your work!
    Sincerely,
    Petrina

    1. Dear Petrina,
      I am really glad that you enjoyed my story. The quote by Hurston is my favourite in her book, and I was looking for a way to use it in my writing. After watching that video, I fell in love with the idea of a whole person/bug being destroyed by envy as we humans so easy are. I appreciate that you took the time out of your day to comment and leave such nice comments behind.
      The video was intended to be a supplement for understanding the story, and I can see why including it earlier may have been a better choice. Thank you for pointing this out to me.
      I look forward to your comments!
      Sincerely,
      Nazeefa

  2. Nazeefa,

    I was not expecting a story as truly amazing as what I just read. You developed your own ‘mythology’ of sorts with the creation of a story untold and fits into what we know today about humans and bugs. Your lyrical language makes me long to live in the mind of a creative writer; everything from your choice of capitalization on “Human”(and then the contrast of followed it with, “human”), The One, and Magpie, to the rhyme scheme that was used in the little dialogue was executed with perfection. I admire how you too took inspiration from that TedEd video and the concept that there are 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 (ten quintillion) bugs on Earth and the absurd possibility of them creating a massive amalgamation of disgusting mass. The video ends with the statement that we might have to accept that insects, not us are the, “true conquerors of the planet,” which you exquisitely took inspiration from to make your own elegant ending.

    The only form of advice that my novice-level creative writing brain can amount to provide is that I would have wanted more description about The One and Human. I desired a greater emphasis on the size of the beings but I also understand the stylistic choice of the ambiguity of “perfection”. Perfection is a common theme and definitely differs from one reader to another; so it would’ve been interesting to see more interplay between the flawlessness and the darkness (what makes them partly evil) in each of the creatures you described.

    Other than that, honestly I loved reading this! My own sci-fi brain totally geeked out reading it as I love this kind of fiction and definitely enjoy your voice that I could hear throughout it. Knowing you since grade 9 has been a blessing and a half when I see you create pieces like this which inspire me to become a better writer, reader, and creator.

    Thank you,
    Luca

    1. Dear Luca,
      Thank YOU. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my story. I am glad that you were able to appreciate my thoughts even though they are almost always so random and weird. As you can see, the video was a big influence on the creation of this piece, and I can see how well you connected that. My brain is constantly running out of ideas, and TedEd always comes to the rescue in times of need. I think you would enjoy a lot of them – have a look when you have time.
      I agree with your comment that a greater character description may have been better for this piece. I made the events the main focus but forgot that the more significant part was the behaviors of the creatures that I created. Thank you for pointing this out to me, so I can improve my storytelling for next time.
      I really appreciate your kinds words, because I know they mean something when it comes from you. I still remember those stressful Socratic Seminar preps on Discord, and how well you were able to articulate your thoughts in class. You are an inspiration to not only me but to anyone who knows you. I am grateful and humbled to take this AP journey with such an amazing person.
      I look forward to your comments!
      Sincerely,
      Nazeefa

  3. Dear Nazeefa,
    That you managed to write a story like this is amazing. It was not at all what I was expecting but that does not mean that it was bad. In fact, it was really interesting. As an improvement, I think you should try and make it less of a story and more of a myth. I am not sure exactly how you should do it but I know you are smart and can figure it out. Luca mentioned disgusting when mentioning the One and I totally agree. The use of we also reminded me of Anthem and that was kind of weird but interesting. To end all of my rambling, good job and keep it up no actually get better because everyone can and as amazing as you are, you can too.
    Sincerely, IB.

    1. Dear IB,
      Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback because I can see where you are coming from. More character development may have been necessary.
      YES! Anthem was my inspiration. I found it interesting how Ayn Rand chose to use “we” so I tried to incorporate it in here.
      I look forward to your comments!
      Nazeefa

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