with a blank face, she looks at me
(her gleaming eyes faded with longing)
for the answers I’m unable to give her.
as if there are searchlights in her mind,
desperately trying to reach the darkest rooms
of a past unremembered; lost, perhaps.
to live a life where her identity is tangled
with truth and fantasies of what could’ve been.
she lives off of fleeting memories,
of a past that could have been imaginary.
a past that feels like sand running through her fingers;
slipping away no matter how hard she tried to grip.
aimlessly wandering through life,
searching for answers in all the wrong places-
how I wish I could give her answers.
though amnesia clouds the mind of the beautiful girl,
i comfort her with a childhood memory.
maybe i can give her something to hold onto,
a memory of her own to keep:
the bright sun beaming on my face
with not a cloud in the sky
the parade in St. Petersburg
i stand alone in a crowd of thousands
i was just a boy.
and i see a girl
i could’ve mistaken her as the queen
how i called out her name
how i ran after the her,
how she smiled at me with gleaming eyes
filled with some kind of longing
and how I lost the girl
with the sun in my eyes she was gone
if i were still ten, i’d find her again.
she smiles at me with a disappearing blank expression
but when I look into her eyes,
filling with gleam and longing,
the same smile the young girl gave me all those years ago
the searchlight in her mind must have
found a remnant of what had been lost.
and I knew even then, I’d find her again.
Hi! Thank you for reading 🙂 So lately, I’ve only been listening to the beautiful genre of musical theatre; specifically, ANASTASIA: The Musical. ANASTASIA is a musical adapted from the Disney movie (based off of the true-to-life story of Duchess Anastasia Romanov of Imperial Russia) in which Duchess Anastasia is thought to have been assassinated with the rest of her family in the early 1900s. Two con men, Dmitry and Vlad, discover her (who now goes by Anya) as she reveals that she has amnesia and cannot remember a time where she had a home, a family, or even love. The con men groom her to become the impersonator for the princess to earn the reward money entailed. This musical explores themes of self discovery, as we follow Anya’s journey to understand her past.
This poem is based off one of the beautiful songs: Crowd of Thousands.
fun gif and image used: