falling under

The day of my marriage came flooding back. At last I

would have the world placed upon my finger;

at last I would be given more importance;

at last I would find happiness in this

love – true happiness. Not the kind

that covers me with a blanket,

occasionally slipping and

forgetting to cover

my feet as well.


When I first met him, a handsome man he was. His

face had these perfect edges and eyes that seemed to pierce

through you whenever you looked at him. That day we didn’t talk

a lot, but I remember him offering me water – I didn’t want any. I

often doubted how he had fallen in love with someone like me.

Still, he always professed to me his love which now I feel

to be so fake. How can a man not be genuine; my

fault for thinking they all were.


I listened as the vows slowly drowned away into a

faint sound as my thoughts were only on him. We both

said yes – we do. I should have paid closer attention, I

guess. A mistake that was covered up by a kiss.


The fire crackled and heated up the house,

but I couldn’t feel it. Rain drizzled outside as I

heard him come in. The noise of his heavy

boots always  startled me – I don’t know if it

should have.


Each day me asking him how

his  day went and a loud sigh in response

as he slowly walked up the steps – the impact

getting louder and louder just so that I could

hear. I felt guilty and only wished to

hug him – to love him.


My childhood dreams all seem like

complete lies now. I guess this is true for

anything: believing in something with such

an optimism that, when the time comes, will

so easily disappear like one’s breath on a

window on a cold day. My ring suddenly

felt so tight, and I took it off, placing

it on the table.


The lights in the bathroom were

on with the sound of water dripping from

the faucet pulling me in. I turn the nozzle, undress,

and allow myself  to be  surrounded by the water which

I surprisingly now desire. Feeling myself slipping under I do

not resist, and I repeat the wedding vows once more, carefully paying

attention to each detail. Its painful to hear what should have been and what is.


At least now I can say, I don’t.


Image result for wearing a diamond ring



Poem Explication:

This poem was quite different for me as instead of a bunch of fragments it composed itself into a story. Usually I write from my own male perspective, but this time I wanted to change my approach. It seemed more natural to write from a female’s viewpoint allowing me to feel a stronger connection to it . Marriage is an idea that I have been thinking about quite frequently. To me, marriage itself has two end results: it can either help a relationship grow or can take away from the youthful love that was originally blooming. However, in this poem love didn’t even exist.

It is a poem about a woman who held such high hopes of marriage until its reality came upon her. She had a type of innocence that blinded her from being aware of what men can turn out to be. The repetition of the wedding vows showcases the uncertainty in her relationship with her husband. My choice to leave out names was primarily because I wanted to emphasize the disconnect between the two, but, also, I was attempting to make this poem more universally applicable. Commitment is one thing that many run away from as they are unwilling to put effort into maintaining something beyond themselves.  Even the circular shape of the ring is used to demonstrate this commitment; however, the woman must eventually push these obligations away as both partners are needed to uphold a relationship. I used water to symbolize the reality that this woman had initially chosen not to accept. What’s ironic is that her fiance – when they weren’t married yet – had offered her a taste of this reality which she refused as she was in her own delusional state. The innocence that she held was so pure as she thought that marriage would take away all the problems that persisted in her life. She was wrong. Ultimately, she is slipping into reality and finds herself looking at her wedding vows with more “detail” as opposed to when she had first chosen to be blind about it.

Whenever I write poems or stories in a negative light that have tragic endings, it seems much more genuine to me than looking at it with optimism. This scares me. I would like to appreciate the beauty of optimism without having this idea in my head that it is fake because it really isn’t. However, I also do believe that in order for me to write optimistically I need to occasionally slip into the world of pessimism. This poem did the same for me.



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6 thoughts on “falling under

  1. Dear Abhay,

    This is my first time reading your work and I must say, I look forward to seeing more of your work throughout this semester! You put an incredible amount of thought into your poem, which is shown by your description of your poem and how you chose to use things like the repetition of vows in her mind and the symbol of water. It is clear you had a set direction for your piece – this also helped your poem to flow and end well. I was not left wondering for more of the woman’s story when I finished your poem, I felt as if everything we needed to know was there.

    What I also loved about your writing here was its ability to bring a vivid image to my mind. The way you describe what the women is feeling, seeing and hearing will ignite a reader’s imagination, further helping them (in my belief) to connect with the character more. I found it easy to sympathize with this woman because I was able to feel what she was feeling, although I have not experienced what she has.

    In terms of improvement, I would offer to adjust the formatting just a little bit. I can see the pattern your poem is going in (in terms of the shape and how it looks) but the second paragraph is a little out of place as it has sentences longer than the other paragraphs in the middle. By making the sentences smaller or rearranging when the words switch to a new line, the pattern will be stronger.

    Great work!! I enjoyed your blog very much 🙂

    – Elissa

    1. Elissa,

      Thank you for commenting on my post! It is nice to have someone with your level of creativity and expertise giving me feedback. I was actually a little worried that I spent too much time looking at how different symbols could work well in my piece, but thank you for getting rid of my doubt. It’s great to hear that you were able to connect and sympathize with the character as I also felt the same. I gradually felt worse about how she was living her life and thought that maybe putting an end to it would bring her out of such pain (sorry if that was too dark). About the formatting of the piece, I was trying to make it seem more natural, but on edublogs it takes forever to get the pattern that you want. I will definitely keep this in mind for future pieces and if I ever go back to edit this one. Once again, I am glad that I have people like you who I can grow from and improve.


  2. Dearest Abhay,

    You know I love some tragic love and your piece really satisfied me in that regard – the words of the unsatisfied are often the most powerful. I really enjoy when you challenge yourself by leaving behind what you consider easy and most “natural” for you and take into consideration new ideas and new perspectives. I kinda want to write a story based on this and that in itself means something – you want to make me write.

    I can’t bring myself to just focus in on one thing that I loved specifically, so I will be broad. Your use of punctuation was very effective and purposeful, it was very stylistic and held a lot of emotion which is weird to associate with a dash. I think your word choice was also fitting because the perspective wasn’t of a scholar but of a broken woman and you encaptured that very well. I also love you using the elements in this and how each was related back to this relationship. My favourite example of that is the fire that heated the home but couldn’t be felt – so lovely!

    My only nit-picky note is to look at the sequence of your stanzas because I think that had some been in different places/orders the poem would flow even better. Alas that is very insignificant because the influence is still there even without that consideration.

    Love your growth both in and outside of this class. I am so grateful I get to see you become an even more amazing person everyday and for that I thank you!


    1. Nimrat,

      Romantic tragedy has always been one of my favourite genres, and I am glad that you like it as well. It means a lot that you are commenting on my post as your writing always inspires me to create something better than what I had done before! I feel that you are an essential part of our class who is always ready to confront the next challenge. Like you were saying, I am trying to adopt new styles of writing as I feel that building new perspectives are essential to making a good poem. At first, I thought that it was going to be impossible for me to write through the eyes of a broken woman, but I was surprised when it came to me quite naturally as I started writing (who knew!). The pattern of my poem was a bit strange as even I didn’t know what I was really doing with it, so I will keep this in mind when I am writing future pieces. Thank you again for looking at my post, and I can also say that I am grateful for being able to work alongside you.


  3. Hi Abhay!

    Ever since last year’s creative writing class, I have always been an absolute fan of your writing! Your knowledge withholds intelligence beyond your years and your writing is an excellent exemplar that showcases your brilliance! Even in class, you offer such insightful ideas and I’m grateful for having you as a fellow peer!! I still remember the piece you wrote based on the play, My Hand’s Were Made For This, and to be completely honest, you have an EXTRAORDINARY talent when it comes to writing love stories. I encourage you to continue, because I really enjoy reading them!! 😂

    Regarding this piece, with complete honesty, it is a beautiful story! Your ability to capture emotion is quite impactful because, as a reader, I could feel the heartache your character possessed. Writing about such a topic is difficult and it takes careful attention to even the smallest details to formulate a believable story, and, Abhay, you have done just that. Above all, I would like to acknowledge that your broken lines and sentences is the true star of the piece. Ever comma, period, and broken sentences was incredible and build the lost and broken state of the character. Excellent job!!!

    As for improvements, all I have to suggest is to relook the formatting of the poem. Consider shorten certain lines which seem longer than the rest. As I was reading through the poem, I noticed that you have parts which are memories and other stanzas which are in the present. Maybe you can try alternating margins for such stanzas. These are just minor suggestions that are available for use; however, this piece is a MASTERPIECE with or without it!!!!

    Once again thank you so much for sharing a beautiful poem!! As a said before, you really do have an incredible talent. Don’t bury it, keep writing!!

    Lots of Love,

    1. Hefseeba,

      It has been a great pleasure being in the same class as you this year as well as when we were in creative writing. Honestly, YOU are the one that has always left me in awe with your brilliant pieces of writing. The way you are able to showcase your personal life by weaving it in to your writing has inspired me to do the same. I am glad to know that you liked the love story I made last year as it was one of my first attempts at doing so and has brought me to continue writing on this genre. When I was writing through the eyes of this woman, I could really feel her pain and suffering which made me feel guilty of having created such a character with such a life. Thank you so much for the feedback on how to format my poem by separating the past with the present as I never thought about that before. It kind of reminds me of The Stone Angel as well. I can’t wait to see how you grow and leave behind memories that I will always treasure. Thank you again.


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