What Self-Love Is
- Loving yourself is the greatest gift you give yourself and to those who love you. Not everyone will appreciate that love- maybe it’s because of their preconceived notions, or that they haven’t learned to love themselves either, but rise up against their insecurities alongside your own and follow the real truth only you can see.
- Be honest, get to know who you are, and please don’t disregard what makes you, you. It doesn’t do any good and it hinders the healing process- because this is what self-acceptance and love is all about. Healing. “Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t. Start loving yourself for everything that you are.”, and in doing so, you know what you deserve and strive to look for in life.
- Selfishness is when you exclude and refuse to give yourself to others- a me before anyone else attitude and is rooted in a lost cause of greed. Self-love is when you still give but save enough energy for yourself, it is about knowing your worth no matter who you are.
Steps to Self-Love
Please feel free to write down anything that might help you. Now, these are only a few of the many essential things I wanted to share
- I always like to think of self-love as continuing to actively find and explore who you are as if you were getting to know another person.
- Start each day with a goal in mind
- It could be as simple as, “I will make a conscious effort to be more loving towards myself by saying one positive thing about who I am, starting today!”
- It’s a given that you might not love yourself right away, but always act with sincerity. Do what you can, whenever you can. There’s no rush and remember to have patience.
- Keep encouraging yourself and believe in what you can do. A positive mindset incites noticeable shifts and differences right away- as many of you already know, I always try to be on my optimistic game knowing that it is to encourage others and myself included.
- (Also sorry for this bio reference but) Be a permeable membrane instead of a doormat. Set boundaries and be selective to what suits your needs.
- AND IF THERE’S ANYTHING I WANT YOU ALL TO GAIN FROM THIS PRESENTATION LET THIS BE IT: Be aware of the things you say, the actions you take, and the certain thoughts that you have. Once you become more aware and conscious of your habits, you will begin to find ways to improve on or alter them.
- 1. Accept compliments graciously
- 2. You are not self-centred or conceited when you accept compliments and praise. It is a norm in society where we automatically deny and negate the credit that is given to us through words such as “No”, “But”, and “Just”- as a response from the concept of humbleness or insecurity in general. Of course there are instances where recognition is to be shared; however, it is gratifying to acknowledge and accept what you are capable of doing on your own.
- 3. Rephrase what you say and express your gratitude-
- For example, If someone says “Nice work today!” don’t say “Oh it was nothing.” or internally doubt yourself by saying “Did I actually do that?” Instead, say “thank you” and own it because you deserve it.
- 4. We often treat ourselves harder than we would treat others, keep that in mind. Be gentle and understanding in response to the things you do. Forgive yourself rather than loathe over what you’ve done- because in the end, you feel what you need to feel, you are human. Accept yourself wholly- the parts you may not like, the parts you do like, all of it.
- 5. Remember that you owe yourself the love that you so freely give to others.
- Give yourself time, it won’t happen overnight, but after all, every flower must grow through dirt.
- ”We don’t shame flowers for being too big or too little, too short or too tall, too pink or too red, we just embrace them for their unique beauty… why don’t we start doing that for ourselves?”
Personal Experience
- I started to really find myself near the end of last semester and I wrote a piece called “Rule Number…” which is basically confronting the harsh expectations I have suppressed myself with in relation to performing art do’s and don’ts.
- I would say that, that piece was the inciting incident for the progression of my writing coming from a place of deep negativity to being happy, lighter and having a stronger voice of empowerment.
- I always thought that by helping others, I was helping myself- when in the end I was neglecting what I couldn’t face. The shame of not loving who I was. There is no shame in loving yourself, but there is a shame felt when you cannot embrace the distinct and wonderful individual that you are. Self-love is a revolutionary act in itself.
- With the recognition of love that I receive from others, I have realized parts of myself to love that I have never really found worth in. One day it will finally click that although it is a blessing to have these people by my side, I know that can also count on myself to get back up. And with that said, here is a short spoken word poem I have written but is still a work in progress:
I’ve spent so much time
caring for others and ignoring
what is screaming inside
That I barely hear a whisper
from my soul anymore.
I stare at my reflection and examine
more than just my face,
I stare deeply into my eyes-
They are wounded;
Wondering why
I cannot accept myself
As I am.
I listen carefully to the words I whisper
And I am tired of hearing my biggest bully-
Myself.
Enough with the self-deprecation,
Enough with the denial,
Enough with the dishonesty,
And find your truth.
You have the power
to either hurt or uplift yourself.
We are taught to humble ourselves, to be selfless
But never really knew how to love ourselves because it
Was always deemed
as selfish.
Fight to be someone you are proud of,
Be raw and unapologetic
because it is who you are meant to be.
Nurture your garden and
Pull out the weeds,
Take time to grow
And develop the seeds.
As they grow out their roots
And thrive off the sun,
As flowers are admired for
Their unique buds.
It is never too late to start self-acceptance,
It is never too late to find happiness because,
You deserve it.
Take care of yourself because
This is not for anyone else,
This is for you.
“it was time
so I said yes
I said yes to living
I said yes to loving
I said yes to being
my . . .
self
illuminated
and unafraid”
Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom for a Better Life by Cleo Wade
