Discuss the idea(s) developed by the text creator in your chosen text about the ways in which individuals take responsibility for themselves or others
Personal response to an excerpt from the novel Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson. Underlined lines are taken from the excerpt.
Dear Boy Filled with Passion,
I loved you for the way you made me feel, but not for who you truly were. I craved the attention our relationship brought when you boasted about it with your friends. I looked for your presence as a way to escape loneliness more than actually missing you. As you pulled me into your arms, I melted into the hug, not into your heart. You write letters of love, I replied with letters of service. This final letter is one that is full of unwavering affection and respect.
You filled the absence of joy within me; however, I am not sure if I can say the same about myself doing anything for you. I regret staring into your eyes while having the three-worded phrase spill out of my lips as if it held meaning to my soul. I felt loved, and because I received it so openly, I falsely believed that I loved you back. I have deceived you, but that is only half of the confession, as I had also deceived myself. It is not that I detested you, but rather, I did not have the capability to fully home your passion within me. We were children together, we gazed at the stars beside each other, but you were not the one for me. I’ve known that all along.
I cannot express how deeply apologetic I am for admitting this so suddenly, yet, as I push forward, I know that your gaze of sincere understanding will not falter. I always knew, deep down inside, it was wrong, it hurt down inside somewhere- this feeling like I loved you and at the same time couldn’t love you. I was a half-hearted girl of infatuation through it all, never a whole-hearted girl that loved every second. As I pulled away on the day where cotton snow fell softly on the cedars, I felt myself leaving for good. Through a confused haze clouding my thoughts, I desperately parted my mouth to stutter out the words firmly stating that it was over, but there was too much to think about. I needed to straighten it all out.
The thought of my past self being so greedy disgusts me, and out of my deepest appreciation for you, I believe that you are deserving of much better treatment than I have ever displayed towards you. I am culpable, and must be held accountable for my actions even if they were out of juvenile foolishness- it is no excuse for what I have done. I am sorry if I have wounded your heart, and bow my head in a prayer for forgiveness. I have accepted full responsibility and reflect on my actions as a matter of conscience; I will not place the blame on anyone else but myself. My greatest wrong-doing has been that I have held on for too long- unable to let go, and restricted too many of your opportunities.
We loved out of a youthful, experimental, and hopeful want- an urge to find one another; however, wanting will simply never be good enough. I wanted love, though, it was not what I needed. You wanted love, though, I was not the one you needed. I wish for you to fly, move forward, and continue exploring the world through your passion filled eyes- to leave me behind so I can examine my soul, find peace, and learn how to fly as well. I now realize that I love you not as the boy who made me feel loved, but as the boy who taught me how to love. Thank you.
The Girl You Once Adored