Discuss the idea(s) developed by the text creator in your chosen text about the ways in which individuals take responsibility for themselves or others
Personal response to an excerpt from the novel Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson. Underlined lines are taken from the excerpt.
Dear Boy Filled with Passion,
I loved you for the way you made me feel, but not for who you truly were. I craved the attention our relationship brought when you boasted about it with your friends. I looked for your presence as a way to escape loneliness more than actually missing you. As you pulled me into your arms, I melted into the hug, not into your heart. You write letters of love, I replied with letters of service. This final letter is one that is full of unwavering affection and respect.
You filled the absence of joy within me; however, I am not sure if I can say the same about myself doing anything for you. I regret staring into your eyes while having the three-worded phrase spill out of my lips as if it held meaning to my soul. I felt loved, and because I received it so openly, I falsely believed that I loved you back. I have deceived you, but that is only half of the confession, as I had also deceived myself. It is not that I detested you, but rather, I did not have the capability to fully home your passion within me. We were children together, we gazed at the stars beside each other, but you were not the one for me. I’ve known that all along.
I cannot express how deeply apologetic I am for admitting this so suddenly, yet, as I push forward, I know that your gaze of sincere understanding will not falter. I always knew, deep down inside, it was wrong, it hurt down inside somewhere- this feeling like I loved you and at the same time couldn’t love you. I was a half-hearted girl of infatuation through it all, never a whole-hearted girl that loved every second. As I pulled away on the day where cotton snow fell softly on the cedars, I felt myself leaving for good. Through a confused haze clouding my thoughts, I desperately parted my mouth to stutter out the words firmly stating that it was over, but there was too much to think about. I needed to straighten it all out.
The thought of my past self being so greedy disgusts me, and out of my deepest appreciation for you, I believe that you are deserving of much better treatment than I have ever displayed towards you. I am culpable, and must be held accountable for my actions even if they were out of juvenile foolishness- it is no excuse for what I have done. I am sorry if I have wounded your heart, and bow my head in a prayer for forgiveness. I have accepted full responsibility and reflect on my actions as a matter of conscience; I will not place the blame on anyone else but myself. My greatest wrong-doing has been that I have held on for too long- unable to let go, and restricted too many of your opportunities.
We loved out of a youthful, experimental, and hopeful want- an urge to find one another; however, wanting will simply never be good enough. I wanted love, though, it was not what I needed. You wanted love, though, I was not the one you needed. I wish for you to fly, move forward, and continue exploring the world through your passion filled eyes- to leave me behind so I can examine my soul, find peace, and learn how to fly as well. I now realize that I love you not as the boy who made me feel loved, but as the boy who taught me how to love. Thank you.
The Girl You Once Adored
6 thoughts on “Because I Love You”
WOW. Since being in your family group, I have been blessed with the utmost privilege of seeing you grow as a writer and person within the class. This piece was no different – I could tell that you put extreme effort into your diction, which ultimately paid off through your excellent style.
In terms of the piece specifically, it felt like this was an actual letter that you had written from the position of a “half-hearted girl full of infatuation”. The way your sentenced were crafted just spilled of authenticity, for example: “I felt loved, and because I received it so openly, I falsely believed that I loved you back.” This sentence was articulate and beautiful to read.
In terms of improvement, I would have liked to see a brief explication of the letter at either the beginning or end to specify exactly how this connects to the prompt and the excerpt. This would’ve helped readers (like me) with understanding and seeing the connection between the prompt and your writing.
All in all, this was an excellent piece! Never stop writing! 🙂
All the love,
Aw, thanks for the feedback Vic. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I will definitely follow your suggestion of adding an explanation for this piece and it’s link to the prompt!
Wow. This piece really touched me, Faith. I love this take on the prompt, as well as the excerpt. I also commend you on how realistic this response was written. Usually break-ups are written as melodramatic and this was not the case. One of the lines that really got to me was, “As you pulled me into your arms, I melted into the hug, not into your heart.” Gah- that just embodies truth and reality for a lot of people. I felt myself really getting immersed in this letter because I could feel the maturity yet guilt of the girl, but I also felt like the boy reading the letter. Like how amazing is that?! Bravo, Faith. 🙂
For improvement, I would suggest to try to figure out a more clever way to integrate the quotes from the excerpt without underlining them because I don’t know how effective that would be in an exam. I also think it would be really cool if you elaborated more on the societal aspects of their relationships- the fact that they’re different races.
Again, fantastic work on your personal!
I’m glad you enjoyed reading this piece! I’ve always had low-confidence when it comes to writing, but your feedback has definitely assured me that I’m following the right path. I chose to underline the lines I took from the excerpt because I didn’t want to be accused of plagiarizing or anything so that’s my reasoning for it, but I do understand your viewpoint. I will try to smoothen and make those lines less choppy. You offered such great ideas and I am so thankful as well as excited to incorporate them. 🙂
Wow. This piece made me gasp out loud! I agree with Liz – I loved how you interpreted the prompt in your own way. The voice you have is engaging, and the tone of which you set is one of gratitude and apologies. I liked how you started with “Dear Boy Filled with Passion”, and ended with “The Girl You Once Adored” – it made it more realistic and demonstrated the universality of the situation. Instead of using names, you used these words, and it generalized your whole idea, and applied it as something all humans go through.
In terms of improvement, I would suggest to add more evidence near the end of your piece because the evidence you provided is all in the middle. Besides that, I think you made a fabulous personal and connected to the prompt well!
Ah, yes! I never realized that I only had evidence in the middle of my piece. Thank you for that wonderful observation! I will work towards fixing that. 🙂 I really appreciate your feedback, and I’m glad that you enjoyed this piece.