I am floating
On my back
Eyes to the heavens
Drinking in starlight
Brilliant and blinding
Light drenches my pupils
I am dazzled by loveliness
And I want to reach out
To touch one
The stars are so beautiful and I want to cry
So I half-close my eyelids and tell myself to breathe
In
Out
In
Out
Stop thinking
I am floating
Buoyed up on a sea of tears
Generations of them
Mine, not mine, a sea of tears
My face is dry
Bathed in the stillness
Of warm night air
But my back is soaked
By seawater that stings the cuts
Cuts of past mistakes
And wounds from words,
Words whispered
Words screamed
Words to heal
And to slice
Words
Mine, not mine, endless words
The water stings my back
These wounds that never heal
If I am silent, still
Will they heal?
I can feel something
I press my lips together to keeps the noise inside me
I tell myself to breath
In
Out
In
Out
Stop thinking
I am drifting
I can hardly tell the difference anymore
Between the sea and the sky
Between my tears, other’s tears
Between despair and laughter
Between life and death
Stop thinking
Breathe
Sometimes
I try to remember
Before I came here
To this numbness,
This limbo,
This purgatory,
Was I a creature of the air?
Was I a creature of the sea?
Had I wings like Icarus,
Or fins like a siren?
Did I glide effortlessly?
Stare at the sun?
Dive into the sea’s trenches?
Dance with the kelp and the eels?
… Did I sing?
I try to remember
Flying
Soaring
Joy
Madness
Melodies
I can’t conjure the memories
Because
I traded my fins, my feathers for a wish
A desperate, foolish wish
I asked for relief from the nauseating ride I was on
Happiness’ blinding sudden white light after days in the dark
Sadness’ suffocating, cold night once my limbs grew used to warmth
I begged for stillness
Peace
To be numb
So I am rigid
Like driftwood
Sunbleached and waterlogged
Will I die like this?
In between
So distant from the stars
Toes tickled by sharks
Surrounded by life
With no life of my own
Just breath, stop thinking
That voice
I recognize it now
It is not my own
It is the voice of some wingless, finless, dying creature
Who was so scared of drowning in a sea of tears that she decided to stop breathing altogether.
Suddenly I am sinking
Lower, lower still
Water touches my forehead
My eyelashes
My nose
I open my parched lips
And drink it in
It stings my throat and fills my belly
Its weight pulls me under
Down, down
Until I am enrobed in the blackness below
I see shapes emerge before me
Fins
Gills
Tentacles
They pull me deeper still and I smile
Finally
I see
How dark it is down here
It’s beautiful, glorious
I see
Eyes open
And in that vast expanse
Of night
Tangible and thick
I can feel warmth caress me
For the first time in a long time
And even through thousands of meters of pitch-black sea
Atmospheres of pressure
Salt stinging my eyes
I can see the stars twinkling above
Yes, I can touch them
Because I don’t need a stranger to remind me to breathe anymore
Because I am not just existing
No, I am alive
Dear Lauryn
I reallly loved this piece the first few sentences drew me in, the imagery was beautiful and it was something that drew me in. I loved how I could picture the girl you were talking about as almost anything yet something so very real and corporeal, something that was striking but not anymore, It was real how the loss felt and I wondered why she would choose such a thing, what or who made her want to run from her feelings and wish to never feel again.
If I was to improve something here I would say that perhaps show don’t tell so much, and thats like easy to say but harder to actually implement, like how would one show the thought process of something that seems to be dying? Another thing though would be to have better transitions I guess? like there seem to be a lot of jumping (more like hopping though) and its a bit confusing almost lost me there a few times
other than that I really loved this piece, it sparked my imagination and it felt almost real, which is nice and not easily done.
Sincerely, Iqra