My Smile is my Best Trait



There’s an optimist in me that attempts to make every little bad thing seem okay.

I hand out second chances so easily in hopes that people will stay.

You’ve hurt me once, but I’m sure you won’t next time,

and even if you do

I’ll forgive you all over again.

I still have my doubts.

For an optimist I’m pretty pessimistic.

They’re probably talking behind my back right now,

But they are the only people I can confide in.

And I’m glad they listen, even if they show me

False attention.


But they aren’t any different from me I guess.

I live off of any sort of validation that I refuse to give myself.

I want people to notice what I do, to recognize and praise my false happiness, so I can keep up with this false life,

even though I know deep down it is anything but right.

My heart accepts all that is given to it but rejects itself.

I am so lost in a world full of pretending that it is impossible for me to achieve anything real out of it.


How is it that I am so determined to encourage others yet am so disregarding towards my own self-worth?

I don’t know how to love myself.

I have given so much of my love to others that, that is the only thing I know to do.

I am shackled by my own words, and I am my biggest bully.

I dislike the use of the word hate yet I say I hate the things I do and hate the way I am.


I live underneath what is called a starless sky,

and what does a bright city with a starless night reveal?

It reveals that artificial lights can suffice what my black soul of a galaxy is missing; stars.

But why do I feel that the hourglass is trickling by

Will I be able to share my heart in time?


I don’t know why I’m here or what I want in this world,

But when a fake meets another fake they become the truth.

We stand face to face

Hands touching, exchanging lies-

This is our reality.

The positivity I spread never reaches my inside, and instead lingers

On the surface of my smile.



Who is the real Faith?

I am still searching for her.

What am I trying to prove?

That I am strong.

When did I decide to take on a role of being fake happy over being genuinely happy when I wanted to?

When I realized that people stay for the positivity, not the negativity.

Where have I hidden my sadness, fear, and anger?

They are stuck in my rawness of throat, clawing at it, but unable to escape.

Why do I smile for the sake of keeping up an image of happiness?

Because I am afraid of being a burden, I am afraid of facing reality, and I am afraid that people will leave me.

How do I change this part of myself that I hate?

I don’t know.


I haven’t quite figured out how to alter my life for the better, especially regarding the second last question of “Why“, but taking the time to reflect and express what’s on my mind throughout this blog post has taught me a few things.

If people really care about me, they will stay because of who I am, not only because of my constant happy-go-lucky attitude.

My face can tell a story, but my eyes always seem to tell a different one. I cannot completely hide what I’m truly feeling.

My “real” self is not missing, but rather, overshadowed by a too familiar cloud of falseness.

There is no use in harboring up my other emotions because sooner or later they will continuously expand until I burst.

Lastly, I’ve realized that faking happiness does not prove to others that I’m strong; because people who are strong are able to persevere and face their troubles, not fake their way through them.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

6 thoughts on “My Smile is my Best Trait

  1. Dear Faith,

    I have known you since kindergarten but I have never known as well as I do right in this moment. I now understand why your happiness fluctuates like the tide and why you seem to not believe in your brilliance, which you are – truly brilliant. You inspire me to be a better person who hopes for the future without feeling guilty of the past. I thank you for that.

    A quote that stuck out at me was this : “I’ve realized that faking happiness does not prove to others that I’m strong; because people who are strong are able to persevere and face their troubles, not fake their way through them.”

    Wow. Within that one quote you struck my heart and injected it with wisdom. You speak as though you have lived a thousand years and have been through a thousand years of strength and pain – an old soul.

    In terms of improvement I would offer formatting. I think that this piece would elevate from formatting in which the sentences you have above are accumulated into paragraphs.

    Thanks for such a great read!

    All the love,


    1. Dear Vic,

      I appreciate that you have taken the time to comment and offer some input on this blog. I struggle to find positive attributes within myself but your comment definitely lifted my spirits, thank you. To clarify your note on improving this piece, do you want me to convert both my response to the quote as well as my reflection into paragraph format?


  2. *Dear Faith,

    This is amazing because I can understand. I can understand the “shackles” you’ve made of your own optimism, and the worn out smile that is a cover for the true feelings nested deep inside. I can understand! Not to mention, the repetition of the word “smile” has a very powerful affect. To me, the word “smile” is a mask, and every time you repeat it, it’s like you’re layering on layers and layers of masks until everything is so thick that you can’t even see through them. That is why the last sentence, “The positivity I spread never reaches my inside, and instead lingers // On the surface of my smile.” is like a bomb that just went BOOM and kinda just makes my insides feel all funny (in a good way, if that’s even possible). Anyways, I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for sharing this beautiful piece because it makes me feel not so alone, and it’s a comfort to be able to relate to someone else!


    1. Dear Judy,

      Thank you so much for reading this piece! I’ve always had trouble expressing myself- especially while writing this piece, but I am so grateful to have read your comment. It sparked a light of hope in my heart because not only do you understand me, you also made me aware that I am not alone. Let’s help each other get through this obstacle together so we can live life freely and confidently! 🙂


  3. Faithy!

    It was a pleasure to read this–such a beautiful piece that is so grounded in a sort of universal truth.

    I would like to start by talking about the second and third stanzas. I think a lot of the times people who are innately good/kind are considered to be “naive” or “ignorant” because they are not typically confrontational and because they give out second chances, even when they have been hurt (sometimes on several occasions) by others. And so I think nice people are automatically viewed as “pushovers” and as being “weak.” But I would secure that this is this not the case. Kind people, on the contrary, do not let people walk all over them because they don’t have a mind or a voice of their own. Because a) they don’t want to potentially offend someone they care about b) they are afraid that if they do offend someone that person will abandon them and c) they believe in second chances and that they should treat others the way they want to be treated. But this, of course, doesn’t make it hurt any less. And then, in turn, people have the tendency to hide this pain behind, like you said, a smile, a facade of happiness. That being said, I think this piece, if you were able to covert it into prose, would be a great premise for writing a personal response especially because it looks at the idea of appearances versus reality–a prompt students have work a great deal with during their high school careers.

    In terms of improvements, I would just suggest that you make the reflection to your poem (the prose part) longer. At least a 350 word explanation is what is required in AP when we’ve done a poem for our piece (but anyone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong)

    Other than that, I would like to say that this is one hell of a piece. It is a great, relatable poem with well developed ideas. Especially love the premise regarding our capabilities to care for others unconditionally compared with our inabilities to show ourselves that same courtesy. This is something that you articulated very well in this piece. LOVE the line “How is it that I am so determined to encourage others yet am so disregarding towards my own self-worth?” This is something we all go through, I think. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about it.

    Never stop writing,

  4. **Dear Faithy,

    Wow, what an excellent blog you have written! I knew the moment you presented that I would instantly connect with these words, and that is exactly what I am feeling right now! Personally, I don’t believe that I am any good at expressing myself through words, and that my conscience is constantly searching for something that it can connect to. This blog gave me that exact feeling I was searching for, and I am infinitely grateful that you took the time to make such a wonderful post. I too put on a really happy exterior and act a certain way because being positive is something that everyone wants to see, and I feel like I have to pander towards what other people want to make myself feel better about me. “When I realized that people stay for the positivity, not the negativity.” When you said that, it made me better realize why I do the things that I do. You put it so simply and elegantly. In addition, I would really like to praise you on the style of this piece. It formatted your ideas so well, that I understood everything you said, and had time to reflect on everything you said. (Just a few words of gratitude) Faith, I’m truly blessed to have a class with someone as incredible as you, and I don’t ever want you feeling like you’re not welcome! I connect to you on such a spiritual level, and I am quite certain many other feel the exact same way. So, I hope to get to know you more and more over this semester. Be yourself, because you are absolutely wonderful!

    Anyway, I may be biased since I connected so much with this post, but I don’t see anything I would change. I love the style you chose where you shape it like poetry, and ask yourself questions only to answer them with heart and truth. It helps me understand your own thoughts and feelings, as if I’m right there with you. Keep it up!

    Furthermore, I wanted to add on to what Victoria said about your quote “I’ve realized that faking happiness does not prove to others that I’m strong; because people who are strong are able to persevere and face their troubles, not fake their way through them.” I absolutely agree, this is a phenomenal way of putting the issue that I and many people struggle to understand. It is a perfect wake up call to start understanding what it truly means to be brave. I feel as though many people often confuse strength from reality. We can be strong and still be true to ourselves and other people. I truly do believe that is what makes a person strong. Then again, what I believe is truly the most important element to overcoming this ordeal we all face is fellowship. People that connect to each other through their strengths and weaknesses are the ones able to find the peace and self love they seek. Is that not what makes us stronger? Fellowship?

    Faith, you’re a gifted writer, and I look forward to seeing what you have to talk about next. Until next time, peace!!

    Tim 😀

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *