Growing Up in Neverland

 

Ever since I was little, I wanted so desperately to fly. I wanted to press my palm into the fabric of the sky, paint the earth with the colours of the sunrise. Flight occupied my dreams, my breath, my words. Childhood’s carefree nature formed my wings, and I would soar forth and converse with the wind, connecting the stars as I blew past them. I suppose that, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that people grew tall and old and dreary, but I was never the girl growing colder and sharper, the girl who, all of a sudden, had the so-called ‘wisdoms’ of the world whispered into her ear and filtered through her lips to form words deemed ‘important’ or ‘forward-thinking’. Growing up was a thing only silly people did too fast, and so I stopped thinking about it in hopes that it would somehow delay the process. I never realized how I wished to remain a child, hold onto some semblance of pure innocence, until sitting in my room, staring out the window, I met Peter Pan.

When I first read Peter Pan, I was utterly captivated. It was tastefully different from the Disney version, and much deeper than I had initially presumed. On the surface, it was a book about a little boy who was gay and innocent and heartless, as all children are. It was about a boy who took children on adventures that adults only faintly remembered, a boy who would never grow up and would forever remain untainted by adulthood. As I read however, I realized Peter was much more hurt than he let on. When, after leaving for Neverland, he finally returned to his house, he found the windows of his room barred and another little boy in his bed. He lost the place he held in his mother’s heart, and since then has been trying to build a place for himself in the hearts of others. Despite the fact that he’s been cheated and scared, he ends up forgetting the injustices done to him, and the people who meant something to him. He has the luxury of forgetting everyone but the one person who hurt him the most.

 

What really gets me, though- more than the mother’s betrayal, the barred window, Wendy’s eventual growing up- is when he forgets Tinkerbell after her death. That was the first time I cried after reading a book. I didn’t-and still don’t- understand how you can so casually forget someone who loved you so dearly, someone who you claimed meant the world to you. Tinkerbell was willing to give her life for Peter, and he forgot her in a heartbeat. I think that was the moment I realized just how brutal children can be. I finally understood why J. M. Barrie insisted that children were ‘gay and innocent and heartless’. Peter Pan forgot, as children often do, that the people you love should never be taken for granted. You can’t expect people to wait for you forever, after you’ve left them hanging for so long. Childhood is so incredibly cruel that way; you think yourself the darling of the universe, you’re convinced that nothing can go wrong, and when it does, you find your childhood innocence lost, enticing yet another poor fool. That doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye to it, though. Somewhere, in the heart of the night, the depths of melancholic nostalgia, you find yourself wishing once more for the carefree frolic, the playful purity of youth. Just one more taste would suffice, you swear, but time won’t budge, won’t heed to your pleading.

 

As time goes on, little by little, I’m learning to grow up. It’s terrifying but necessary, something I must do, even though I’m reluctant to. If anything, I think I’ve realized just how temporary my youth is. I can’t put off things on tomorrow if I truly value who I am and all that I stand for. Ultimately, my goal is to be a good person, and growing older doesn’t stop me from that. In a sad sort of way, it makes me someone people are more willing to approach me, because a child’s words are less valued than those of an almost-adult. Despite all this, I don’t think I’m ever going to fully let go of Peter Pan and Neverland. I’m going to hold on to the small, childlike part of myself, because, as Leonardo da Vinci has said:

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”

Growing up doesn’t have to mean leaden legs and heavy hearts that weigh you down. There has always been a deep desire in me to reach for the clouds, graze my fingers across the ocean of blue air and feel a piece of the sun glide between my fingers. I’ll never forget the taste of flight and childhood folly, I’ll never forsake it. I’ll just learn a different way to soar, because somewhere inside of me is the girl who wished for as long as she could that fairies would flutter into the windows of her heart, if only she left them open long enough.

 

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/C-nNfkyj9kF_sDkMlZbATByZwXAi8PWM3DY1nI8fRtWDcRiu9bgsUtkNf3FSrwYPqVDUkBy8UELUCqnQ3AMf4hBaDAZRYY-m-ZgKnHb7LrvLRg2pSddXxbmGq8lJCDCYLq2258z7

 

Sources:

https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/364650901053050833/

https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/271623421253302519/

https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/382383824590942932/

The Symbolism Of Flight In Children’s Literature

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

6 thoughts on “Growing Up in Neverland

  1. Dear Hijab,

    I don’t believe we have formally met, but, judging from your writing, I can tell that we have a lot in common–specifically Peter Pan. UGH. Probably one of my absolute favorite fairy tales. Actually, part of the reason as to why I chose to read your post in particular, was because I saw that darling illustration of Tinker Bell. You had my attention even before I read your writing. More importantly, though, you managed to keep me engaged as I read the actual post itself.

    I’d like to specifically commend you on the relatability of your writing. I, too, am afraid of growing up, especially because I am in grade twelve. It’s probably my greatest fear. Part of me–although some might laugh at me for thinking this way–still believes that the night before my eighteenth birthday, Peter Pan will show up at my window and whisk me away to Neverland. A place dressed with a whimsical and child-like wonder–something we don’t always get to experience in the real world.

    That being said, my own blog post is quite similar to yours (told you we had a lot in common, haha) While my own post is based on the premise of wildness, I also explore the liberated innocence of childhood and how it is often overpowered by the corruption associated with growing up.

    However, while your blog has definitely resonated with my both my fears and my struggles, it has also given me hope. I want to specifically acknowledge the lines,
    “Growing up doesn’t have to mean leaden legs and heavy hearts that weigh you down…I’ll just learn a different way to soar, because somewhere inside of me is the girl who wished for as long as she could that fairies would flutter into the windows of her heart, if only she left them open long enough.” This is so wonderfully encouraging. You’ve taught me that growing up doesn’t necessarily mean that we will no longer be able to “fly”, as you put it–that we will no longer be able to live life as free spirits. Thank you for reminding me that the magic (whether figurative or literal), and that sense of childlike wonder, will always be there, so long as we choose to believe in it. Heck, even at seventeen years old, I still love settling down on the couch in my onesie with some hot chocolate while I color and watch Disney movies.

    In terms of improvements, I don’t have a whole lot to say. Something I did notice was the beautiful poeticism present at both the beginning and the end of the post. I would maybe suggest weaving that poeticism throughout the entire piece as a whole opposed to just having it at the start and the finish. Other than that, GREAT piece. Can’t wait to read more from you in the future!

    Never stop writing,
    Jade

  2. Dear Jade,

    AHH! I’m so grateful for your kind words! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog, and I’m so glad you could relate to it. Can I just say, I really fell in love with your Portrait presentation. You’re so intricate and stunning in your poetry and honesty, and I really, really loved the part where you said that you were Gatsby reincarnated. Gatsby, with his dreaming self and impossible visions, holds a very special place in my heart, and I’m so honoured to share it with an individual as lovely as you. Also, thank you so much for being so supportive of me after my presentation. It means the absolute world to me that you accepted me for the fragile mess that I am, and that I can truly rely on you. You dispelled my anxiety and allowed me to open my heart without fear. For that gift Jade, I will never be able to thank you enough (though I will try). Once again, thank you soooo much for reading! I’m really looking forward to getting to know you in AP!

    Hijab

  3. Dear Hijab,

    I too haven’t formally met you but I feel like I have had glimpses into your heart and soul through you Portrait of Me Presentation (which absolutely wrecked me) and this delightful, delightful blog post. I have never really enjoyed Peter Pan but through your authentic voice you have managed to sway my opinion to one of gratitude. I am so thankful that you have broadened my horizon and introduced me to your interpretation of Peter’s innocence and childhood.

    A couple of lines seemed to jump out at me, but to be completely honest I could probably fill a couple of journals with all these piece made me feel and think about. Here they are:

    “Ever since I was little, I wanted so desperately to fly. I wanted to press my palm into the fabric of the sky, paint the earth with the colors of the sunrise. Flight occupied my dreams, my breath, my words. Childhood’s carefree nature formed my wings, and I would soar forth and converse with the wind, connecting the stars as I blew past them.”

    “He lost the place he held in his mother’s heart, and since then has been trying to build a place for himself in the hearts of others. ”

    “Peter Pan forgot, as children often do, that the people you love should never be taken for granted. You can’t expect people to wait for you forever, after you’ve left them hanging for so long. Childhood is so incredibly cruel that way; you think yourself the darling of the universe, you’re convinced that nothing can go wrong, and when it does, you find your childhood innocence lost, enticing yet another poor fool. That doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye to it, though.”

    Before I get into why I enjoyed the first quote I think you should know a few things about me.

    1) I don’t really visualize things in my head
    2) I sometimes feel out of place in my family
    3) I don’t ever want to grow up

    Back to the whole point of this letter – your writing, the first quote I pulled caught my eye because it instantly brought me back to childhood and how I always dreamed of travelling the world. The way you used imagery to vividly paint an image on the reader’s mind was very well done.

    Secondly, I want to speak more to your presentation rather than this blog. I just really need you to know that within the AP class it’s consequent blog, you are free to be everything and anything you want. You won’t ever have to worry about what others might say about you and you experiences because absolutely everyone in this class are willing to understand and get to know you.

    Finally, you are an incredibly wise and beautiful individual with a soul centuries older than your sixteen-year-old body. I hope you share more of your tidbits of wisdom ’cause I sure need a lot more.

    In terms of improvement, I don’t have much to offer but maybe look over your punctuation? I am no expert but I think there may have been some instances where there was a lot of punctuation within one sentence. I understand it that was a stylistic choice though!

    Anyways, thank you so much for gifting me this blog piece! I loved every word of it.

    Kind Regards,

    Vic

  4. Dear Victoria,

    Thank you an infinite amount of times over for taking the time to read my blog post. I was so incredibly nervous about posting it and exposing myself to people I am not yet acquainted with, but you gave me the opportunity to trust wholeheartedly in this class. I’m so glad that you were willing to be open-minded and truly understand my perspective on Peter Pan, and I’m happy that we have found common ground in the wish to forever hold on to childhood. I also have trouble fitting in with my family at times because I tend to be more stubborn and emotional than they are, and I hope we are both able to one one day fit in without compromising ourselves. Thank you for your feedback as well; I’ll definitely make sure to note my punctuation for next time. It means so much to get meaningful feedback from an exceptional writer such as yourself. Finally, thank you for your last comment on my presentation, for dispelling my nerves and unease. I can’t express in words how cathartic it is to finally understand that here, I can grow into the person I truly want to be under the tutelage of the kindness and strength of all of you. Thank you so, so much for willingly accepting the parts of me not even I like. I truly can’t wait for your presentation!

    Gratefully yours,

    Hijab

  5. Dear Hijab,

    I just want to preface this comment by letting you know how in awe of you I am. You are stunningly profound in your writing and in the way you think, but more that than you are a truly beautiful person inside and out. Just from your presentation, this blog, and the interactions I’ve had with you being in your family group, I have to tell you just how grateful I am to know you. You really are amazing, and you definitely belong in our AP English class. I’m so glad you decided to join us – we are very lucky to have you.
    Your writing in this piece is breathtaking; its poetic nature is inspirational and after reading it all I wanted to do was write a Personal Response to it (which I did do) because I connected with its message so deeply and because I was so entranced by your writing style. Growing up is something that terrifies me. Being as this is my last year of high school, I’ve never been more aware that my childhood is rapidly slipping away, something I don’t really know how to come to terms with. All I want to do is hold on to my treasured memories and moments because the last thing I want to do is forget what it feels like to be a kid. Also – I really connected to your description of flying and your connection to it as a symbol of childhood, because I always used to dream about flying. I still do, sometimes, but not as much anymore… which is sad.
    I really admire your ability to walk the line between lyricism and clarity. This is something that I have always struggled with, but I’ve really learned from reading your writing; you’re able to write beautifully and but still be straightforward and have your authentic voice shine through. Wow.
    In terms of constructive criticism, I don’t have much to say about the writing itself. However, I would caution you on where you place your images – I loved the pictures, but I wish that they could have been distributed differently because the way it is set up now, the flow of your writing is interrupted by the images. When you go to insert pictures, you can choose to align them left or right so that they sit beside your writing instead of right in the middle of it – just something to keep in mind for next time. I know you won’t be used to publishing blog pieces on our site just yet, so it’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t know to do this. 🙂
    Amazing work, Hijab. I’m humbled to be able to work with you on a daily basis and I’m absolutely in love with your writing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this read, it really touched me.
    You are amazing, never forget that.

    Love always,
    Ziyana

  6. Dear Ziyana,

    To be completely honest, I don’t think there are words I am aware of that can fully express the depths of my gratitude to you. Is it possible to thank someone for gazing into the depths of your soul and understanding your words, your heart? Is it possible to transfer the amount of love and acceptance I feel into a simple comment? I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try. Also, thanks for the feedback on the pictures; I had been struggling with their placement, and I’ll definitely make sure to apply your advice to future blog posts. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my humble attempt at blogging, for being someone I can look up to in AP. I absolutely loved your presentation, and your honesty inspired me to trust in the people around me and try my best to understand both them and myself. You are such a precious individual, Ziyana, and your words mean more to me than I could have ever imagined.

    Gratefully yours,

    Hijab

Leave a Reply to ZiyanaK Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *