I’ve never really known who I am – but who really does? However, I do know that I’m a 17-year-old girl who is in the midst of discovering just that. Maybe in the future I’ll be able to come up with a coherent string of words that manage to encompass who I am, but for right now I’m a girl with a heart, a soul, and a mind stuck in an endless daydream – trying to figure out just how this world works.
The heart. The soul. The mind. That’s me.
I hope you stop spending all this time telling yourself that nobody will ever love you because it’s easier than admitting someone might. It’s easier to believe you need no one than to cherish the hope that someday you will need someone. It’s so much easier to have a soul in shatters – cracked, than to believe you’re more than a pretty china doll with all her pieces intact. It’s so much easier to guard your heart from the start than to let someone in who leaves it cracked. So you tell yourself that nobody will ever love you and you tell yourself it’s because you guard your heart with so much pain your unlovable. However, you’re so lovable and someday someone will see that and I hope it’s you.
“strong women begin as broken girls” – rh sin
I want you to know that I’m sorry. To the mind: I’m sorry for causing you to overthink constantly. For saturating your fields of knowledge with dangerous, negative thoughts. For bullying you with words and questioning our sanity. To the heart: I’m sorry for bruising and blackening your core. For halting the flow of electric passion between your chambers and for preventing your ability to attach to the strings of others. For fueling your disappointment over and over again, yet you still exhaustively pump and beat for me. This is what the soul wants – apologies.
I know that at seventeen-years-old, you feel alone and hated by the world, but the worst thing about hating yourself is that the person you used to be hurts the person you will be someday. It’s such a vicious and natural cycle that needs to happen for change to occur. So keep your head up, no matter how hard you gut yourself open, and after you open your mouth and more mistakes come out. It takes time to love yourself, but I promise you it’s worth the trouble. This I know.