These three things are essential to me- I have not learned them completely or fulfilled their purpose. But I have acknowledged their importance, and hopefully, you all will too.
You Only Have Yourself to Rely On
We enter this world alone and will leave it alone. The one relationship you should always value and never abuse is the one with yourself. But these are words. Simple. Sometimes meaningless. But you are not. You never are. You are not helpless or hopeless. You have one home you can always return to. And it is you. Please don’t neglect it. In this world, we always seek validation- to know our success and our worth. The more people to acknowledge it- the better. Right? No. Absolutely wrong.
The only validation you need, and the only validation that can satisfy you is the one that comes from yourself. Ultimately, only we know what we need. I will always know myself better than anyone ever will. Praise your actions. Praise your accomplishments. Do this by voicing them, and acknowledging them daily. Rely on the support that you can give yourself; build a healthy dependence on yourself.
At the same time, always accept your actions. Even if they are wrong. In order to move on and proceed into progressive actions and decisions, you need accept how you have wronged yourself. Never spend too much time in your mind for the wrong reasons; reasons that reduce your significance. It’s dangerous. So, if you make a mistake, don’t lament. Acknowledge your faults out loud. Breathe. And move on. Mistakes can so easily deter us, but that’s not what they’re for. Accept your actions and rely on yourself. Trust yourself to help you move on. Please. Let yourself help you.
I always impede myself. So many people tell me they have faith in me and believe in me. All the right people. But this is so dangerous because I can develop an empty arrogance and not worry. I begin to rely on these words. I become dependent on this validation alone, and neglect my internal validation. It becomes an unhealthy reliance. And somehow to certify my dependence on others words, I begin to do less and less for myself. And it becomes such a tricky game. How much validation can I gain from all of you with doing the least amount possible? It’s natural to let myself to succumb to this state, but it lets me know how I am not content with my life at the moment. At all. Because I am not praising my worth; rather, I am neglecting it and using others to fill a void that becomes more empty. But that’s not how I want to live this life I only get one chance at.
This doesn’t mean validation from those whom you value or don’t know isn’t important, it completely is, and serves to motivate you. When you rely on your validation, you realize how you don’t always need to wait to hear it from others. How the only person you need to wait for is yourself. And validation will come from others, just not always, so don’t use it unhealthily. Let it help you grow, let it allow you to become more eager. Don’t let it limit you.
In the end, smile at your failures. Knowingly. Foresee how you will ascend. I foresee how I succeed and that’s when I finally do. With total and complete confidence in myself.
Keep Your Humanity Close to You
What you give to the world fulfills you. Fulfilling life can allow you to possess more of it. Listen to your truth. I can never say I don’t have any regrets. How can I, when I have opted out to make someone else’s life more worthwhile because of meaningless excuses? I feel this regret all the time. And even though I worry, I am so glad I do. Don’t lose that need or want to make a complete stranger smile or laugh. Say thank you and appreciate those who you are and will always be grateful towards. Please don’t silence compassionate thoughts. Allow them to become actions. There is nothing to be afraid or embarrassed of when pursuing caring and gentle intent.
But at the same time, maybe I am selfish. Because I am so tired of helping others, supporting others, and fulfilling others with encouraging words they never once uttered to me as well. Maybe they have stilled my desire and need to care for those whom can’t care for themselves.
But maybe in this moment, I can allow myself to realize I don’t care if others never acknowledge my kindness, because it just wasn’t meant for them. And maybe I am able to identify how they have become arrogant and empty. How maybe my validation has sustained them, but left them even more vacant. My validation towards them is abused by them, and serves to drain me. This isn’t a fulfilling type of kindness. And it’s all right to realize that, and to recognize how kindness is always supposed to uplift you, never the opposite.
Only I know the truth of my actions. And in the words you speak, I still don’t know how to accurately tell if you lie and hide your truth, but I will trust that you will speak your truth to me. And maybe this belief, whether naïve or not, is what allows never allows me to consider how you can never speak anything but your truth. Somehow I trust you in this, yet I am not a trusting person. At all. I only trust you to speak your truth when I speak mine. In the end, just speaking my truth will always set me free. You cannot confine me. And I am content to reside in this body that I am lucky to call mine.
So ultimately, when anyone stops doing something that they are passionate about because of someone else, it’s not only their fault. You are at fault too. I am at fault as well. And the reason for that is because you have allowed them to decide your worth, when you should have decided your worth first, before anyone else. This is exactly how your humanity will linger and you’ll welcome its cool relief in the chaos our lives are composed of. This will release you from your doubt.
And doubt is allowing words to affect you that shouldn’t have had in the first place. Please know your worth and through this, help others recognize theirs.
I have allowed the wrong words to effect me. I have extracted flaws in others compliments towards me. It’s as if I thrive on letting myself know how worthless I am. But that’s not true. Believe in the support you give and the compliments you speak. I will always doubt my worth, but acknowledging the importance of knowing my worth allows me to doubt myself a little less, and develop a little more confidence in return.
“The trouble is, you think you have time.”- Buddha
Life Is Terrifying, and It’s Real
As humans, we love the idea of magic. Because magic is defined by how we cannot understand it or rationalize it. And our world is not without magic. Rather, it is the complete opposite. We do not know what happens when we leave this life. We do not know what anyone else experiences when we do leave. We are alone. Completely. We don’t understand death. And acknowledging how finite our time is, is terrifying.
But sometimes I believe that I am above time, as if I am not losing it every second of every moment. I live life arrogantly, as if death isn’t waiting for me. I become ignorant and allow myself to. But what’s surprising is how arrogant I have become. I have been in a total of two car crashes. The second one was more serious than the first. I had risked losing my vision in my right eye. But my eyes are fine. For now, at least. It was freighting to the point that that night, the doctor could not guarantee if I would retain my vision or not. They would not tell me the certainty I needed to hear. So I believed in the potential fallacy of how I would see. And this belief held true. Thankfully, my vision’s perfectly fine. I was right. And I walked out of the experience thinking how indestructible I am; I did not let myself feel pain. I hardened myself. And sure, my independence shows exactly how much I rely on myself, but it also shows how utterly devastated and completely ruined I will be when the outcome of life doesn’t turn out to be what I perceive it as.
I don’t have an answer how to resolve this desperate certainty I adhere to, but I am more aware of it; and through this awareness, I realize the importance of trusting myself to rely on others. Just becoming aware of your thoughts, allows you to help yourself, you don’t necessarily always need to understand them.
So, sometimes I will walk life arrogantly thinking, that somehow since I have escaped death twice, I am above it. But I am not. At all. Ever.
I am not in control of what happens to me. I am only in control of how I decide to respond. What if the outcome of fate isn’t to my desire? This is why, sometimes, I am not arrogant towards death. I am sometimes completely paranoid.
And that’s normal, to fear the unknown. However, this unknown (death) is relative to all of us. Its something all life on Earth shares: we all die. We aren’t alone in our fears. And that comfort, where loneliness can’t exist, allows us to live life more carefree. It’s a finicky thing; just how untroubled do we need to be? Ultimately, don’t hide from yourself, when in the end, all we have is ourselves when fate decides time ceases to progress the physicality of our lives.
All I want you to understand is to appreciate yourself and become more aware of the power instilled within your mind. Don’t limit your capacity; the world will continue to be empty without it. And to everyone- I believe in all of you, and by just looking at all of you, I know I always will.