I Do, Not.

As a little girl I often found myself in awe, swept up in the fairy tale of marriage. The idea of one day having my own wedding created a euphoria that flowed through my delicate veins, an obsession like desire to one day be married to the man of my dreams. Though back then my only source was television, and because I was too young to remember my parents failed marriage; I emerged myself in the hollywood fantasy. I almost had the whole thing planned out, the dress, elegant and white; the decor, complete with fine china and beautiful sweet peas; the man, tall, dark and obviously handsome. My whole future evolved around the idea of marriage.


Like so many  young women around the world, I was led to believe that the central concept of life was marriage. Adults swooned over me as I gushed about what I believed was going to be the best day of my life while my mother received countless remarks about what a beautiful bride I would one day be; I was praised because I fit the mold.


Now, in obvious contrast, the same adults who once cooed while listening to my wedding plans- chastise me, and tell me I am “not old enough to understand”. This is a phrase parents tell to children, the phrase that kept us innocent, not a phrase used on an independent young women who is attempting to break free of the societal cufflinks that she is bound by. Though adults love to assume there is something wrong with me instead of marriage itself.

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. – Isadora Duncan

I do not believe in taking an oath that states that I will obey my husband. I do not believe that the only reason a marriage should be ended is death. I also do not believe that one dinner and a quick dance should cost thousands of dollars. Yet all of the above does not mean I do not believe in love or monogamy, I do not wish to spend my life alone. I believe in the relationship- endlessly loving one another. I believe in equality and the freedom to leave my partner at anytime that I feel unsafe or unhappy, without the requirement of a lawyer. I believe my commitment is defined by the success of my relationship, not by a ring. And finally, I believe I am old enough to understand because I am brave enough to disagree.


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3 thoughts on “I Do, Not.

  1. Emily, as a fellow girl who is unsure of the idea of marriage herself, I feel that you encapsulated and juxtaposed the fantasy and rewards of both sides to marriage very effectively!

    I loved your style; your brevity made for the perfect argument. So often when adults ask “Why?” when a young person announces their counter-arguments against marriage, they expect a long dramatic reply. But your style perfectly explains that people have the right to choose or not to choose marriage, and those reasons may be simpler than you’d think.

    I also enjoyed your irony, particularly in the title of your piece and in the use of the word “cuff-links”. Your piece truly made me laugh, and your pictures were thebomb.com.


    1. Hey Ali,
      Thanks for reading and commenting, I’m really glad you enjoyed my piece. If I am being honest, I found it incredibly difficult to write this blog and not come across as rude, or uptight. It is very encouraging that you believe I was able to produce a comical satire regarding such a heavy topic. It is also very reassuring to hear that you and I share similar viewpoints, I would love to hear more about your take on marriage. Thanks again love!


  2. Hey Emily,
    Upon reading this post I can truly say you are a model for the thinking out generation should follow. I very much enjoyed the way you expressed a controversial topic with such elegance and class.

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