Dear Homophobe

Dear Homophobe,

He was 15 and terrorized.
He didn’t even know what being gay meant.
He prayed relentlessly to God, begging Him to fix him.
A fifteen year old boy began to despise himself…
God did not fix him.
And the boy detached himself from the world.
Until, God-willingly, he eventually came clean about his sexuality.
And an angel accepted him for who he truly is.
He finally found love,
In God Himself.

I can not thank God enough for saving him. For loving him. And for allowing that fifteen year old boy to realize that he was a diamond in a pile of coal.
You’ll never understand how or why my heart burns every time someone insults a gay man, for his soul is as pure as yours or mine. Nor will you ever understand the pain my soul endures when he doubts himself because of you.
But even so, I ask of you to try to empathize with those who lost their diamonds because of your actions and your thoughts.

Have you ever realized the impact that those actions had over him? Allow me to share with you what he went through because of you.
When you deliberately threw around words like, pansy or fag, he felt like deadwood.
When you told all of his friends, he was a “Queen” and manipulated them into leaving him mid-way, he experienced abandonment and felt madly abnormal.
When you disallowed him to play with you and the boys at family gatherings, he sat alone in the corner weeping, feeling utterly empty and deserted.
Little had he known, that it wasn’t him that was in the wrong, it was and is you.

But you know what the worst part is, you were his cousin. You shared the same blood as him, yet you chose to be devil’s advocate. You spread hate instead of love. And today, I thank the universe that you two no longer identify as cousins, as you never deserved him in your life.

If there is anything in this world that has the ability to break me, it is the thought of love being defined. Who is to say love is right or wrong? Who is to say your definition of love is any better than mine? For the man you consider to be an abomination is only loving another human-being. Is that so wrong?

Your hatred towards human-beings beguiles me. Why does a man loving a man bother you to the extent in which you are willing to oppress man, as if you are superior to him? This hatred does not only pain him, but it also affects everyone who loves him. If you unable to accept him, then the least you can do is attempt to understand his truth.
It is high time for you to recognize that your hatred-filled energy is not only unwanted but the thought of you is one of repulsion. I plead with humility and love for you, do not let this hatred overcome your kindness and do not let someone’s sexuality become your perception of who they are as individuals.

This is not a letter full of hate, it is more so a pleading request, to love for love.
I am asking of you to step into a gay man’s shoes before you judge one, for you will realize his artistry.
I am begging you to never exclude another being, for emotions are as fragile as glass.
And, I am challenging you to let go of the malice within you to accept every man’s love, for love is God’s blessing.

Don’t be mistaken, I am not doing this for myself, rather I am asking this of you for your future children and grand-children; for if not you, who will teach them how to unconditionally love this creation? Remember, conditional love is not love at all. Would you not love your son if he was blind? Would you disown your daughter if she was autistic? For if you would love them, why would you not love a gay man? Why would you not love your own blood? Why was your love so conditional?

I have posed more than one question to you today, but if you leave with anything, leave with this: Could you live in a world in which you weren’t allowed to love or be loved in the way you deserved? Could you survive acting like someone you aren’t for the entirety of your life? And would you be willing to ruin someone else’s life to cover up for what people like yourself call an abomination? If not, then learn to appreciate man regardless of his differences from your own.

Sincerely,
A Gay Man’s Best Friend

u


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6 thoughts on “Dear Homophobe

  1. Malika,

    WOW. Let me just start off by saying that I agree with everything your piece says and stands for. I, myself, have a gay uncle who, after 61 years of running from himself and three marriages and divorces later, has come out to his family.

    You cannot run from who you are. It is not only sad that some people feel the need to do this, but also a negative reflection on society. Because, how DARE someone speak out against another human being for loving someone of the same gender? How dare they then sit there on their high-horse and claim that they are superior to someone just because that someone is a girl loving a girl, or a man loving a man? It is just incomprehensible to me that a human being would dehumanize another human being just for being gay.

    What really gets me is how, in school, young boys think that it is funny to call each other, or someone/thing ‘gay’. But, of course, they say it like it is a bad thing; they spit the word, like it has less worth than the ground that they walk on, and if there is that much hate associated with a word, a mere label, than imagine how much hate is associated with the people to which the word refers. Of course, it is these ignorant peoples’ parents who make their children this way, as you also said in your piece. If you are not going to teach your children to love unconditionally, than who will?

    Additionally, I really enjoy that what you wrote is not focused on hate, but on love. Loving unconditionally, no matter what differences other people may have from you, is so important, and I think that you set a perfect example for this in your writing. Also, the amount of empathy in this is very apparent, especially when you talk about (and this is just me paraphrasing) how some people have to live as something that they are not everyday just to be accepted by society. Honestly, in my way of thinking, if society is going to ridicule people for being who they are, than that is no society that I want to be involved with. I truly believe that the world needs to look deeply inside of itself and realize that hate only results in more hate, but love has the power alter one’s perception of life. I love that your piece speaks to that, and I also love how you didn’t just skirt around this subject, but instead dove in headfirst.

    I do, however have one question for you; When you encounter people who have homophobic tendencies, or just homophobic comments, how do you respond? Is there anything in particular that you say to these people?

    Thank you so much for writing this piece because I think that it is truly inspiring, and your passion was ingrained in every word, which made it even more enjoyable for me to read as well igniting the same fire within my soul.

    Infinite love and gratitude,

    Hope

    1. Dear Hope,

      Thank you for sharing a personal story with me, I too know a few gay men who have gone through difficulties in expressing their truths, for the denial of not being accepted in society is a scary feat then one can usually fathom; history never fails to show us this time over time.

      I agree with you how dare someone be so heartless, for isn’t this world made to love? It’s the unfortunate truth of our world, many individuals prefer to ridicule and judge others in fear of light shining upon their own insecurities. There is more to every story than meets the eye, and like we both agreed on it has a lot to do with a child’s upbringing but I believe also the environment the child is in. Take a look at the young boys in school you mentioned, do you think they all seriously believe in ridiculing another being or is this a acceptance and “follow the leader of the pack” issue? I personally wish and hope that it is more of an acceptance flaw rather than a ethical “flaw.”

      Speaking about these boys who are immature enough to not reason for themselves, forgive me for being so harsh, loving unconditionally is a foreign concept to them, for all they can think about is how to be “popular” or noticed. Unfortunate but it is the truth. How can we expect individuals who have not matured to understand what loving unconditionally is. The cousin I mentioned in this piece was too an immature boy, with an “unfortunate” upbringing, however I can no longer blame his upbringing because by doing so I am just making excuses for his behaviour. Yes it is the parents fault, but a part of me also believes that as human-beings our intellects can configure between good verses bad and it is our responsibility as individuals to enforce that.

      You asked how I react when encountering homophobic tendencies and comments and to be honest with you I do react and I do not. I am an individual who is fuelled by emotion and I am incredibly sensitive towards and on behalf of the LGTBQ community for a piece of my heart lives with them, so when I do encounter instances of homophobia I remind the individual who is doing so that gay people are still people! That love is universal and he/she has no right to limit someone’s reach for love. However, I am very well aware that there are idiotic, self-righteous, and ignorant individuals who will continue to argue with me, when it comes to that I simply say love is love and I walk away. There is no point in talking to those who don’t want or care to listen.

      Lastly, I’d like to thank you for the love you’ve given this blog and me. Your kind words have allowed my heart to find solace. This was definitely a sensitive piece for me since this is a story of a dear friend and his journey. Your loving words have humbled me and reinforced that sharing this story was an obligation to a friend and in some way or the other I have served him right.

      Warm Wishes,
      Malika

  2. Dear Malika,

    this is the most touching post I’ve read in a long time and it nearly brought me to tears. I completely agree. And I also think that society’s “normal” beliefs should be thrown out the window. Its ironic that we as a population try to create an accepting community yet we exclude and marginalize those who do not believe in the mainstream beliefs, those who do not meet the “requirements” to be fit to live in society. Acceptance. Acceptance is the key, we’ve all been at a place at some point of our lives where we’ve been excluded because of what we believe that is different, and being with the wrong group, being “a diamond in a pile of coal” has its impacts. What you’ve posted here is worth diamonds Malika. It shows that to be a beautiful soul, one does not have to be like others; beauty comes in many forms.

    1. Dearest Nilave,

      Thank you for your kind and loving words, I am humbled. I definitely agree with you when you say acceptance is key, for acceptance stems from love. Like I mentioned today, love is the root from which comes all emotion.
      Always remember you define your own normal, no one else has the right to do that.

      Lots of Love,
      Malika

  3. Malika:

    I do not have the words to convey how much I agree with this post. People, as a society, have their views about what is ‘normal’ and what is not, and we’re downright terrified of anything that is different. We hide this terror by doing what we do best; ridicule. We constantly tease and reject those whom we can’t understand. I’m honestly not sure why. I feel that a big part of this is that we, simply, don’t understand them. We’re altogether scared to deal with the awkwardness when it comes to being with a homosexual person. Mentally, we just cannot understand them. Thus, it’s because of OUR ignorance that THEY have to suffer and hide their true self day after day, in fear of the endless spiral of “Gay!”, “Queer!”, and so many others.

    At the same time, your opening ties in with this. HE does not understand his sexuality either. He’s brought up in a world where they never talk about these things, and as you say effortlessly, “He was 15 and terrorized. He didn’t even know what being gay meant.”. Nobody ever told him how do embrace himself, only that being gay is something that should be looked down upon because it is different. Because it is unnatural. Because it is wrong.

    They’re wrong.

    What I’ll never understand is why people do not understand that that homosexual person HAS NO CHOICE. They were, quite literally, born like that. It’s like your skin color. Who has a right to judge, ridicule, and humiliate you based on something so basic as your skin color? Apparently society thinks we do. And by ‘we’, they mean the ‘normals’, or I could go so far to say the ‘superiors.’ Our definition of an ‘Alpha male’ is a confident, strong-willed, straight, white man, with a body to match.

    Why? Who came up with these horrifically sexist, racist, and judgmental regulations that we’ve taken from the darkest depths of out history, and allowed them to accompany our society to this date?Malika:

    I do not have the words to convey how much I agree with this post. People, as a society, have their views about what is ‘normal’ and what is not, and we’re downright terrified of anything that is different. We hide this terror by doing what we do best; ridicule. We constantly tease and reject those whom we can’t understand. I’m honestly not sure why. I feel that a big part of this is that we, simply, don’t understand them. We’re altogether scared to deal with the awkwardness when it comes to being with a homosexual person. Mentally, we just cannot understand them. Thus, it’s because of OUR ignorance that THEY have to suffer and hide their true self day after day, in fear of the endless spiral of “Gay!”, “Queer!”, and so many others.

    At the same time, your opening ties in with this. HE does not understand his sexuality either. He’s brought up in a world where they never talk about these things, and as you say effortlessly, “He was 15 and terrorized. He didn’t even know what being gay meant.”. Nobody ever told him how do embrace himself, only that being gay is something that should be looked down upon because it is different. Because it is unnatural. Because it is wrong.

    They’re wrong.

    What I’ll never understand is why people do not understand that that homosexual person HAS NO CHOICE. They were, quite literally, born like that. It’s like your skin color. Who has a right to judge, ridicule, and humiliate you based on something so basic as your skin color? Apparently society thinks we do. And by ‘we’, they mean the ‘normals’, or I could go so far to say the ‘superiors.’ Our definition of an ‘Alpha male’ is a confident, strong-willed, straight, white man, with a body to match.

    Why? Who came up with these horrifically sexist, racist, and judgmental regulations that we’ve taken from the darkest depths of out history, and allowed them to accompany our society to this date? Why do we allow them to stay with us, even after, time and time again, we realize, consciously, that they have no choice?

    Your writing has an amazing ability to touch others, and almost seep into them, like an amazing taste or smell, that they will come back, over and over again, and try to squeeze more and more flavor out of each time. Knowing you, there’s a LOT of flavor to be squeezed out. I could go on about your diction, literary usage, and amazing grammar… but it’s not the mechanics that got me, it’s your way of convincing people that “I am a human talking to you, not just words on a screen.”. It gives me great respect for you and what you stand for.

    I’d like to end off by saying THANK YOU for writing this post. My thoughts on this topic are very clearly defined on this post. I would not know how to put them down on paper, or up on a screen, but somehow, you being you, did it. And did it in a way that I find impossible to find criticism for.

    Much respect,
    ~Areeb

    1. Dearest Areeb,

      I am touched by what you’ve offered to me through this comment. Thank you for sharing with me your beautiful thoughts full of wisdom and passion.

      Let us fill this world with love and gratitude; perhaps by doing so, one day we won’t have to fight so hard for equality. We can not control the ignorant but we can, as writers and even more so as passionate individuals, do our part in loving the world, in loving mankind.

      I am forever grateful for the kind words of love you’ve bestowed upon me. Thank you for connecting and respecting my soul.

      Lots of Love,
      Malika

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