inspired by Shyla & Ibukun’s presentation of “turkish red” by Lale Müldür
I am building the tie,
but its strength
will come from those who choose
to cross after
they will be the lights that shine,
they will show the true nature
of the once dark waters
they will be the ones
who will stand on their toes
and stare into the endless depth below
and they might jump in themselves,
for they see the light and the bridge
in these waters as well
and it is with them,
the next bridge will be built.
and then someone else will build
the next tie
I was always uncertain of where my life would go after leaving the place I called home. Home was all I had; it was the center of my world and the core of my understanding, but it was also the cause of my downfall. I didn’t know what was what unless I was explicitly told.
And then they came, they came with these words I had never heard before and then encaptured my soul within the lines they spoke. My feet and my mind followed them – I began telling them of my own world and they listened to each breath and returned to me the same amazement.
The calm I attained from the passion these people had made me feel light. I was accepted amongst those far different from the people I had called my own. Together we traveled with eyes on one another and the beauty of planet Earth. And after some time, we found a river and I thought this would be where our journey would end, back “home” we would go and my heart began to fall. But there was a bridge – a bridge that seemed so weak that it would break at our first touch – and that was enough for me to take the first step without knowing where I would go.
With a breath of relief, we found it stayed strong and we stood on it in the dead of night; our eyes stared at the star-filled sky, but we had already counted them many times before. My eyes closed and when I opened them again, I found myself looking at my own eyes. The light of stars found a new home in the water and my eyes did the same. Everything seemed different in this reflection – even I seemed to have another form. If this journey had taught me nothing else, it had taught me to explore and my body listened to these revelations quicker than my mind had and I felt myself fall over the ledge.
Never in my life had my mind felt clearer and my body lighter. I floated and allowed myself to be taken wherever the river desired. Others came after with me and entered the same trance-like state. It was magic. We traveled along like this with the only hunger we felt being that for knowledge and learning. And it was when we stopped and found ourselves on another patch of green land, we looked at the sky with new meaning in our eyes.
Across the water that transported us lay another piece of earth with colours our eyes had never seen before. And with the same desire that brought us to this place, we began building a bridge in order to cross.
The prose exists as a prologue to the poem. This plays with the idea of water representing knowledge and the bridges and people as the links between the knowledge of different societies and cultures.
Dear Nimrat,
I am glad that our poetry seminar was interesting enough for you to be inspired to write this piece! From our socratics, I knew that you had an excellent ability to draw meaning from a text and think critically, though this blog exemplifies your creative prowess as well!
I was also interested by the idea of “ties” and bridges within Muldur’s poem, and I loved reading your take on it. The simplicity and elegance of your poem made it more impactful. You were able to elicit such depth in your ideas with such few words, which I find incredible. The prologue paired well with your poem and, to me, it had sort of a mysterious aura about it – I enjoyed how you explained the feelings, and not explicitly what was “home” and the context of the situation, as should be explained and interpreted in your poem. Your ability to bring your ideas full circle, with the first and last stanza’s of your poem, and then further in your prologue, made this piece a very enjoyable read.
Regarding improvement, I believe that this piece is well written and thought out as is – this was your personal response to the poetry seminar and I think it should be kept as you have it. For personal interest, however, I would have liked more of an explanation of the stylistic choices in your prose and poetry – your writing reminds me of a poet, but I can’t quite put my finger on who!
Thanks again for writing this piece – I look forward to reading more of your blogs to come.
– Shyla
Shyla!
Thanks a bunch for your kind words and your presentation! When I was considering what to do with the free choice, my mind always came back to this presentation and I hope I did it justice. I do often lack in the field of explaining my own stylistic choices cause it just felt most natural at the time, one day when I have grown even more I hope to come back and analyze my own words and try to decipher what my mind does. Thanks again for reading!
Nimrat
Dearest Nimrat,
Great work, girly-pop! This piece was fantastic! You have such an amazing way of describing things with the perfect blend of prose and lyricism that makes it feel enchanting. This piece took me into a world of its own and I am so thankful for it doing so. I loved the way you described vertigo – I could never: “… it had taught me to explore and my body listened to these revelations quicker than my mind had and I felt myself fall over the ledge.”. That was by far my favourite line of the piece as a whole. I loved the way you approached this personal response to the seminar. The concept of a tie was certainly interesting to me also but I never really explored it so I’m glad to see that you allowed it to develop into something insightful and pleasurable to read. I hope you hold on to your desire to learn and immerse yourself in knowledge as the water would intend. Though the bridge to other cultures and lifestyles may seem daunting it is well worth it (as you very beautifully stated).
Regarding improvements, I would perhaps like to see sentence structures changed up; that being said, it could have been a stylistic choice on your part.
Great work, Nimrat. Thank you for this marvellous piece.
Regards,
Ibukun
P.S. I also loved the line, “The calm I attained from the passion these people had made me feel light”. Nice one!
Ibukun!
You are much too kind and thanks again for a great first poetry seminar this semester! I am glad that it was able to do something because your presentation was amazing and I felt so compelled to write after! I think after learning these complex sentence structure I get too absorbed in them and forget to take a step back and see if they were actually effective so I will definitely use your advice in the future. Thanks again for reading!
Nimrat
Dear Nimrat,
As always, your creative writing was astounding in the way you so fluidly included rhyming patterns in your poem and the full-circle effect in the prose. When I was reading your piece, I remembered Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet through the way you approached such meaningful topics like accepting knowledge by using a story-telling method.
Specifically, my favourite part of your piece was the way you illustrated the mirroring of the eyes through the sky, as I could visualize the transition of changing homes through the symbolism of eyes and them finding comfort and familiarity in what they see. From the prose, the lines I loved the most were, “We traveled along like this with the only hunger we felt being that for knowledge and learning. And it was when we stopped and found ourselves on another patch of green land, we looked at the sky with new meaning in our eyes,” as they depict that transcending wisdom that accumulates with experience.
In terms of feedback, I honestly do not have much to add due to the profound nature of your existing ideas and creativity. The only suggestion I can make is to change up the structure, like Ibukun said as well, to enhance the visuals of your piece. An example of this could be layering the poem with the lines’ alignment, by making them look like a staircase, either going upwards or downwards – that’ll also add to the “bridge” and “building” theme of your writing.
Overall, I loved reading your creative work once again and am glad that the stress of grade 11 has not affected your creative thinking and mind – for which I give hats off to you 😊. You truly are an amazing writer as now I have seen both your creative talents as well as critical from being in the same family group as you. Beautiful job, Nimrat!
Sincerely,
Preet 😊
Preet!
You flatter me too much sometimes. I am glad you enjoyed this piece and I am also glad I haven’t fallen in the grasps of grade 11 stress either – yet. I will take your idea of changing up my poem styles by actually making it visual like the original poem into my mind for the future! Thanks a bunch for reading and commenting!
Nimrat