The poem I wrote is about a friend whom I had a falling out with. We’re better now, and our differences have been settled, but at the peak of the conflict I had felt a lot of things. As I said, I am grateful for my competence in writing above all else, and I think it’s immensely important that one is able to solidify their emotions, be it through art, writing, or some other medium of art. I think that this poem represents not my best work as a poet, certainly, but an important piece nonetheless.
This poem was probably a hyperbole of my feelings at the time, but the human mind can do amazing things to simple situations. Looking back at it now, the situation seems pointless and trivial, and not at all worth the pain that it had caused.
Why did I choose this poem? Because, as I’ve said, it represents my passion for writing, and the value that I put in my friendships. Sharing this poem was hands down the hardest part of this entire project, so I hope you can enjoy it.
Every single day this week
I’ve cried myself to sleep
And I don’t know what to do
I’ve tried to explain myself to you
But you never listen
I’ve tried to be there for you
I’ve tried to be the best person I could be around you
And I’ve given you more
Than I ever had
And in the end
I hurt you
Trying to prove that to you
In the end
You told me I didn’t care
You told me I only cared about myself
You took the façade
That I happily tore down for you
And let it define me
And every time I try and tell you
Every time I try and reach for you
You give me nothing
And every single day this week
I’ve cried myself to sleep
And I don’t know what to do
Because your words made me question myself
They made me doubt myself
And they made me doubt us
And I wish nothing more now
Than to be able to cross the bridges that I’ve burnt for you
And get back home
Back to the place where I met you
Where I wanted to understand you
Where you wanted to understand me
Where your friendship gave meaning to my life
Where I could share anything with you
Where I would happily slug through my pointless daily rituals
If it meant a moment of your attention
Where we swore to each other
We would be ourselves amidst a world painted black and white
By the innumerable layers of pessimism and cynicism
Placed to hide and protect us
From the nuances and complexities of the world
Because those didn’t matter to us
Because whatever were to happened
We would have each other
And we would be there for each other
But the more I look across from the other side
The uglier that place looks
And the more I look at you
The uglier the person in the mirror becomes
So every day this week
I’ve cried myself to sleep
And I don’t know what to do