To those of you who don’t know me

or to those of you who think they do,

there is a mystery within this heart

where a passion lies fast asleep

beside a longing to inquire.

A love waning and

an unspeakable desire receding.

 

To those of you who don’t know me

or to those of you who think they do,

there is a girl who likes to hide behind her facade,

a wall between the external and internal –

the separation of the world and the heart.

This girl demands everything to be perfection –

a show she puts up for others to admire.

Her perfection, as others see it, is all she is –

this girl is defined by the wall she puts up

between herself and others.

 

To those of you who don’t know me

or to those of you who think they do,

there is a girl who when night greets her,

sits on her bed with a tear-shaped halo at her feet –

for her external wall blocked not only herself from others

but her heart from her soul.

 

To those of you who don’t know me

or to those of you who think they do,

there used to be a girl

who felt everything in a variety of color.

Deep hues of blue and purple

within a monochromatic girl whose

heart and soul

were separated by a variation in color.

 

To those of you who don’t know me

or to those of you who think they do,

there is now a girl who believes in this:

“Behind every exquisite thing, there was something tragic.”

there used to be a girl who hid behind her self-made barrier,

keeping herself hidden from the eyes of others.

But now there is a girl who has ever so carefully

torn down every brick around her heart, thus

releasing deep hues of blue and purple from her heart and soul.

 

To those of you who don’t know me

or to those of you who think they do,

there is now a girl who now understands that her exquisite beauties

are only there to mask her tragedies.

But little does she know,

her tragedies are what make her

Exquisitely beautiful.

Why is it that I’ve walked around for seventeen-years not knowing who I am? Why? Why do I feel numb when I cry even though my eyes are telling those around me that I feel something? I feel everything in a variety of colors but I’m color blind. I feel in hues of blue and purple but I just want to be pulled from this monochromatic world I’ve built for myself. I need to be pulled from my endless daydream.

This poem speaks to the wall that I’ve built that protects my heart and soul from all that I feel. It is only now that I have realized how damaging it has all become. I have started to ever so slowly remove every brick of my protective layer in the hopes that I can make genuine connections within myself, specifically within the relationship between my feelings and my heart and soul.